


Wanna Be Loved By You

by likelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Harry, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Harry and Louis are divorced i know im sorry :/, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg Harry, Post-Divorce, Smut, but they get back together eventually, i'll add tags as i go, kind of?, mentions of jay and robin passing in brief, mpreg!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 40,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likelarry/pseuds/likelarry
Summary: Harry and Louis have just finalised their divorce when Harry finds out he's pregnant with Louis' baby. Together, they have to find a way to work on their relationship, despite them ending on a bad note, for the sake of their child and maybe along the way, they relearn why they'd fallen in love with each other in the first place.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 42
Kudos: 378





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a WIP I'm sorry! I just really wanted to get this out but I don't expect it to be too long. Who knows though lol. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like it! Please let me know what you guys think :) Kudos and comments are appreciated!

"Fuck," Harry curses under his breath. 

This can't be happening. Holy shit. Now? Seriously? It's like the universe is playing some fucked up joke on him. 

The two lines almost stare back at him, as if they're mocking him. He doesn't know who to tell first. If this was a year ago, he knows the first person he'd tell would be Louis. But circumstances are different now, they're not together anymore and he hasn't seen Louis in over a month--- almost two actually. 

The last time they'd seen each other was to finalise their divorce and it was beyond awkward because only a week and a few days before that, they'd slept together. It was a slip of judgement. They were drunk and they were frustrated and angry about everything, so it happened and they woke up the next morning, pretending that nothing had happened. 

And now--- fuck. The fucking irony of it all. Harry wants to fucking scream and punch a wall. 

There's no doubt in his mind that this baby is Louis'. He hasn't slept with anyone else. He's just not sure how Louis is going to handle it, if--- _when_ \--- Harry tells him. He has to tell him, right? He doesn't even know where Louis is for God's sake. 

With a stuttering sigh, Harry pulls out his phone from his pocket and dials the first person he thinks of in this situation. 

"Harry?" His mum asks, her voice groggy, "hun, it's six in the morning. Is everything okay?"

"Mum," he manages to croak out, his bottom lip trembling.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She asks, tone alarmed now. 

"I, um--- can I meet you somewhere?" He asks, preferring to tell her this in person.

"Yes, of course, sweetie. Do you want me to come over?"

Harry bites his lip. "Yeah, if--if you can. Please."

"I'll be there as soon as I can, okay? Just--- Harry, please tell me you're okay."

"I'm fine--- I--- it's complicated," he swallows, "please come soon, mum."

"I'll leave within the next fifteen minutes, love. Just calm down, okay? I can hear your breathing getting too heavy."

Harry nods even though she can't see him. "I'm okay," he assures her, "I'll see you soon, mum."

"Okay, hun. Love you."

"Love you too," Harry says then hangs up. 

He feels a bit like a knocked up teenager then. One of the ones you see on TV; scared to tell their parents, not knowing where they're going with their lives anymore, estranged baby daddy. God, it's really one big mess. 

Harry decides to take a shower in the mean time. He still smells like puke and sleep. Quickly, Harry gets rid of the pregnancy test, shoving it into one of the drawers under the sink. Harry brushes his teeth again in the shower because his breath still smelt off and scrubs at his skin vigorously, though he isn't sure why.

Once he's in sweats and a hoodie, he heads downstairs, passed the living room and to the kitchen. He gazes outside the sliding doors that give him the perfect view of the beach just outside the patio. 

This house is too big for just him to stay in now. There's four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, a study, huge opened plan living, dining and kitchen space--- but he's the only one here now. Louis and Harry purchased this beautiful beach house almost immediately after they'd gotten married. They had dreams of starting a family here, raising their kids, getting a dog and a cat--- all of that shattered only after a year and a half of marriage though. 

Harry really can't pinpoint exactly where they'd gone wrong. It was a build up of things overtime that led to their inevitable ending. They weren't happy anymore and Louis decided to move out. That's when Harry suggested that they get a divorce. It hurt, how quickly Louis agreed to it, but he reminds himself that they were only making each other miserable. 

He shakes his head, ridding himself of any thoughts of Louis or their failed marriage right now. He'll deal with that later. Right now, he needs to tell his mum. Just as he thinks about her, the door bell rings. Harry hastily heads to the door, seeing her face on the small camera near the handle before unlocking it and letting her in. 

"Mum," he sighs in relief, pulling her into a hug before she's even inside of the house properly. 

"Harry," she doesn't hesitate to hug back, rubbing his back in a soothing way that only she can.

"Sorry," he pulls away and steps aside to let her in, shutting the door behind her.

"Love, what's happening? You sounded so panicked over the phone," she says, searching his face.

"Come sit down first?" Harry asks, playing with the strings of his hoodie nervously.

She sighs but follows him to one of the kitchen stools, watching him take a seat. 

"Are you not going to sit down?" He asks her.

"Why don't I make us some tea?" She suggests, placing her handbag on the sofa and going to the other side of the island.

Harry runs over potential words to tell her. He's not really sure how to go about it. Ideally, he would want to have his partner, his husband, by his side and break the news to her with beaming smiles on their faces. But, as the universe would have it, he doesn't have a husband anymore and there's not even a hint of a smile on his face. 

She doesn't push him to say anything until there's a cup of tea in front of him. He realises then that he hasn't had anything to eat yet as his stomach rumbles softly. She doesn't seem to hear it though, because she asks instead, "Wanna tell me why you called me at ungodly hours of the morning sounding like you were going to have a panic attack?"

"You're normally up by half past six anyways."

"Harry," she deadpans. 

"Fine," he sighs, taking a deep breath, "I'm, um, I'm pregnant." 

The only way to say something you're scared of saying is to blurt it out, apparently. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before looking at her again. She looks--- well, it's hard to really tell, maybe shocked?

"Oh, uh, wh--- I mean, that's great," she blinks, straightening up, "but, um, how did this happen, love?"

"When two people have sex---"

"Harry, not now, for god's sake," she huffs, though there's a twinkle in her eye, "come on, hun, be serious."

Harry sighs, cupping his mug in his hand, the sudden warmth tingling in his bones, sending a shiver down his spine. "It's Louis'," Harry tells her first, knowing that's the first thing she'd want to know.

A smile spreads across her face. "Oh, does that mean you t---"

"No," he says immediately. Not that mess of marriage again. "We," he exhales heavily, "we sort of hooked up before we finalised the divorce with our lawyers."

She tilts her head, confused. "Oh," she says, "well then..."

"Yeah," Harry snorts. He's speechless too. 

"Okay," she lets out a breath, "well, first of all, how do you feel about all of this?"

The question kind of takes him by surprise. He's been feeling so much that he really can't pick one out of the many emotions running through his mind right now. 

"I don't know," he answers honestly, "I just--- I don't know."

"Sweetie," she reaches forward, grabbing one of his hands, pulling it away from the mug, "you've been wanting this for ages, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but not like this," Harry says shakily, "we tried for months, mum, and nothing happened and now..." he drops his head onto the counter top, taking deep breaths.

His mum's hand is on his back again. "Have you told Louis about this?"

"No," he shakes his head, looking at her, "you're the first person that knows. I only took a test this morning."

"Oh, well, it could be a false positive, you know? You need to take more than one just to be sure, love."

"I mean--- okay, I will, but I've been feeling sick for a few weeks now."

"I see," her eyebrows furrow, "well, then you need to make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible. How far along do you think you are?" 

"Um," Harry runs through the dates in his mind, "well, it should be just about two months, I think."

"Okay," she lets out a breath again, "well, you need to tell Louis after you've made a trip to the doctor to make sure everything is alright."

"I haven't seen him since we got those papers finalised," he tells her, "I don't even know where he is."

"You have his number, don't you?" She raises a brow. 

"I do," he mumbles, "I just--- what if he doesn't want to be involved?"

"Sweetie, I know you two didn't end well but I think you and I both know that he isn't like that."

Harry sighs. He knows that. They were trying to have a baby themselves anyways. He wants kids, Harry knows that much, but not in this situation. 

"God, this is so fucked up," Harry exhales, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Harry, it'll be okay, love. No matter what, you'll still have me and Gem by your side. You can come and stay by me, if you'd like?"

Harry chews his lip in contemplation. He's been looking for a new place to stay in. At first, he'd become too attached to this beautiful house to leave it. But after Louis'd left and they'd gotten divorced, it'd just become too lonely. He knows that part of him is holding onto nothing but he can't find it in him to stop. 

They spent a lot of time in this place and it cost a lot too. He's just thankful Louis didn't ask for it in the divorce. It's one thing Louis didn't argue with him about. He's not quite sure why but he took it quietly, gratefully. 

It was all for nothing, of course, because now he wants to sell it as soon as he finds a place of his own. Maybe staying with his mum for the time being will be a good thing. He won't be able to raise a child all on his own--- can he?

"I may be a bit much though and I'm twenty-seven, mum, it's a bit embarrassing, isn't it?"

"Not at all," she says instantly, tone scolding, "I'd love to have you back home."

"Maybe," Harry mutters as a response, "I'll think about it--- I want to move out anyways."

"I know," she says with a sympathetic smile. 

"Thanks, mum," he says sincerely, leaning into her, his head falling to her chest, "I'm really scared."

"I know, hun, but it'll be okay, I promise. No matter what you decide. You---" she pauses, "you know there are options..."

"I know and I thought about it for a bit but," he shrugs, "I've always wanted a baby," he admits, "and we were trying for months."

"Okay, as long as you know and we wouldn't judge you or anything, you know? I'm not like those old-fashioned mums."

Harry chuckles, wiping at his nose. "No, you're definitely not," he agrees, "thank you for that too."

"You're welcome," she places a kiss on the side of his head, "have you eaten anything?"

Harry shakes his head. "Was feeling nauseated."

"Alright then, let me make you some toast at least. You need to be eating well, starting from now, okay?" she pulls away from him, giving him a stern look. 

Harry nods obediently. "I already do," he mumbles, watching her pick out some bread from the bread bin and popping it into the toaster. 

"Yes, but not enough," she says. "Now," she turns back around to face him again, "have you figured out how and when you're going to tell Louis?"

Harry frowns. "I'll message him first, I guess, and ask him when he's free. Hopefully he replies within a day," Harry rolls his eyes. 

That's always been something that gets to Harry, when they were together. He understood that Louis is a big shot and he needed to be in many places all at once--- he was always busy---- it's what comes with managing a record label--- but he'd go for almost two or three days without talking to Harry. He'd feel neglected in his own marriage and it only got worse towards the end. 

That's another thing that Harry is worried about too. Louis goes out of town a lot and he works all the time, even when he is here, how is he supposed to have time for a child that he's having with his ex-husband? God, this is all giving Harry a headache. 

"Come on, eat up and we can watch some of them rom-coms, give your mum a cuddle," she smiles gently at him, passing him a plate with a slice of toast and butter. 

"Thanks, mum," Harry says, for what feels like the hundredth time, taking a small bite of his toast. 

Once he clears up the dishes and his mum gets movie started, Harry settles onto the couch next to her, cuddling close as they Ryan Reynolds fight with Sandra Bullock on the screen. He feels like he's five again, and in desperate need of his mum to keep him together and guide him every step of the way. 

━━━━━━━

It takes him a whole week before he finally messages Louis, with a simple:

_Hey, can we meet up soon? Need to talk._

His GP confirmed with him a few days ago that he is, in fact, pregnant and she recommended a few OBGYNs for Harry to make an appointment with. He needs to tell Louis first before he does though. 

Much to his surprise, Louis answers him a few hours later, saying that he'll be back by the weekend so they scheduled a meeting today. Harry asked Louis to meet him here, at what used to be their home, because he feels more comfortable talking about this in private. He doesn't want to meet anywhere public and feel out of place. 

His leg bounces up and down under the table as he listens carefully for the door bell to ring. It feels like ages before it does. When he opens the door, he's met with a very tired-looking Louis, dressed in a tracksuit pants and jumper, his hair falling over is forehead into a soft fringe. 

"Hey," Harry greets him with a timid smile, "come in."

"Hi," Louis mumbles back, walking in and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Um, thanks for coming," Harry says, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his fingers, "do you want to sit down? I can make some tea?"

"Uh, sure, okay," Louis exhales, pushing his hands into his pockets. 

Harry leads the way to the kitchen and gets the water boiled in the kettle. His back is to Louis but he can hear Louis sigh again and he feels so unimportant. He knows they don't have anything to do with each other anymore and Harry is glad that they aren't together anymore. It wasn't healthy. But right now, he's just a mess of emotions and he's not sure how the fuck they're going to do this when they can barely stand each other anymore.

He makes Louis' tea the way he always has, only realising that he didn't ask when he places it in front of Louis. Louis thanks him though and takes a tentative sip of it. Harry lets out a breath, preparing himself for the discussion--- argument, perhaps--- ahead. 

"So," Louis starts, looking at Harry, "you asked me to come and see you because you needed to tell me something?"

Harry swallows, nodding. "Um, yeah," he clears his throat, "so, uh, do you remember the night we, um, spent together a few months ago? Like, you know, before we---"

"Yes," he cuts Harry off, "what about it?"

His tone is clipped but not particularly unkind. 

Harry purses his lips before speaking again. "So, um, I started feeling sick and I, uh, I took a pregnancy test," he stops for a bit, gauging Louis' reaction. The colour from his face drains. 

"Are you---"

"Yes," Harry interrupts, feeling a lump in his throat, "I'm pregnant." 

"Shit," Louis whispers, slumping against his chair, "holy fuck--- are you sure it's mine?"

Harry's jaw clenches for many different reasons. "Yes, I'm sure _the baby_ is yours. I haven't slept with anyone else since." 

"But didn't we---"

"We didn't," Harry replies, knowing where he was going with that, "we kind of just... didn't use any of the condoms that were there because we were in a rush."

Louis looks at Harry again, looking as nervous and scared as Harry feels. Harry wants to scream because this moment--- it's one they were looking forward to when they were together and now they have to go through it like this. He hates it. 

"Fuck, okay," he breathes out, "um, I don't even know what to fucking say."

Harry feels a sense of disappointment settle into his stomach. "You don't--- I know we're not together anymore so you don't have to be involved in anything if you don't want to."

Louis' look is cold, his eyes narrowed. "You think I don't want to be involved in my kid's life?"

"Ours," Harry amends, patience thin, "and I'm not saying that, Louis. I'm just saying that we aren't together anymore so you don't have to feel obligated to do this."

"Well, it's half mine so I technically am," Louis mumbles, then scoffs out a laugh, "talk about fucking timing."

"The baby, Louis. Stop saying it," Harry scolds him, irritated. 

Louis rolls his eyes. 

"I'm going to make an appointment with an OBGYN for this week some time. Do you want to come or not?" Harry asks, his cheeks already hot with how worked up he is. Louis has only been here for, like, twenty minutes. 

"I'm in New York from Monday till Thursday," Louis says, "maybe try for Friday?" 

"Fine," Harry agrees, "I'll text you the place and all the other details." 

"Fine," Louis says back. 

Then they're silent. 

"This is insane," Louis remarks after a while, "I mean---fuck."

"It is," Harry can agree on that, "but I'm going through with this and I--- I don't think I'm going to stay here anymore." 

Louis pinches his brows together. "What do you mean? You're moving?"

"I'm gonna move in with mum," Harry explains, "I just don't want to do this by myself." 

"I said I'll be involved though," Louis protests. 

"Yeah, but I'll be alone here, Louis. In a big house, with no help." 

"You wanted to keep this house," Louis says, eyebrow raised accusingly.

"I know, but I can't anymore," Harry says simply, "I need help."

"Then I'll help," Louis sighs. 

"You can't, Louis, not the way I need it. I need someone here all the time."

"Then ask your mum to move in here with you," Louis offers, "it'll be easier for you."

"Why do you want me to keep this house all of a sudden?" Harry frowns.

"I never said you shouldn't."

"Well, I was thinking about moving out anyways," Harry says.

"Look, I think it'll be good to stay here. You don't want to be moving right now and it'll be easier for me as well. Plus there's more space here." 

Harry sighs. "Fine, whatever. I'll ask mum. But my first option is to stay with her, no matter what. I need help with the baby and being pregnant. I'm really--- I'm scared. This is not exactly how I imagined it to be."

"That makes two of us," Louis mumbles, rubbing his temples. 

Harry wishes that he would at least ask Harry if he's okay or not, ask how Harry found out, whether he needs anything--- just something to show that he at least gives a little bit of a damn about Harry and/or their child. 

Louis doesn't stay much longer after that. He promises to keep in touch with Harry and meet him for whatever time Harry sets on Friday. That's at least something, Harry guesses. Once Louis is gone, the first thing Harry does is phone his mum and tell her about what happened. 

━━━━━━━

At their first doctor's appointment with Dr. Paisley, they sit next to each other while she explains to them what she's about to do. 

"The gel will be a little cold on your belly, just a prior warning," she warns him, "is there any questions or would you like to have a look at your baby now?"

Harry has a lot of questions, though none are coming to mind right this instant. He shakes his head, turning to Louis in question. 

"Um, we get to hear the heartbeat today, right?" He asks. 

"If Mr. Styles is in fact over eight weeks pregnant then you probably will, yes," she grins. 

Louis nods, as if he knew that already. With Jay being a nurse part time, Harry isn't surprised that Louis remembers these things. Thinking of Jay makes him emotional. She would have loved to be here right now. 

Harry met Jay after their third date and he was immediately charmed by her. Unfortunately, she didn't stay in their lives very long because shortly after they'd gotten married, she'd passed. Harry remembers the haunting way Louis' cried into his lap, how he isolated himself for weeks before he was okay again--- as okay as he could be, at least. 

Harry lost Robin only a few months after Jay and it just felt like they took hit after hit in whatever followed. They wanted to start trying to have a baby, for some reason, it felt right back then for them to do. To celebrate new life, in a way. Then their relationship just started to crumble and now here they are, freshly divorced, having a baby together. 

It's a complete and utter mess. 

"Okay, well, if that's all for now then you can lay back Mr. Styles," she instructs. 

Harry obliges, watching her bring a monitor close to them and a machine at the bottom of it. 

"Lift your shirt up for me, please, and you're going to have to pull down your pants a little too."

Harry follows her instructions while Louis sits beside him awkwardly. 

"Okay, now this is the cold gel I warned you about," she says, squirting some gel onto his tummy. 

He yelps, squirming away a little. She chuckles with an apologetic smile before rubbing the wand on his stomach and spreading the gel. She pulls the monitor closer and then Harry's full attention is on the screen. 

It's horribly blurry and Harry has to squint quite a bit before-

"There they are," Dr. Paisley says, pointing at the screen. 

Harry feels Louis edge closer to him, his cologne invading Harry's nostrils. It makes him a little nauseated but he doesn't say anything about it, too focused on a small little grey blob on the screen. 

"And this is your baby's heartbeat," she says then a rapid sound fills the room. 

Harry tears up instantly, covering his mouth with a hand in wonder. That's their baby. Their baby with a heartbeat who's currently inside of Harry, holy shit. He's only just realised that there's a tiny human being inside of him that's going to be depending on him for the rest of his life. Fuck, the realisation is scarily wonderful. 

"You look to be about ten weeks in," she says, snapping Harry out of his awe.

"Wow," Louis suddenly breathes out, his eyes wet like Harry's. 

Harry gives him a weak smile, all teary and emotional, that catches his eye. Louis smiles back and gives Harry's hand that's on the chair a quick squeeze.

"It is wonderful, isn't it?" She smiles then pulls her wand away, "I'm assuming you two would want copies of the ultrasound?"

"Please," Harry says, "as many as you can give us."

Dr. Paisley chuckles, handing Harry a tissue to wipe down his still flat tummy (aside from the little bit of a tum he'd already had for a few years now). 

"Well, everything with your little one seems to be good so far," she tells them, disposing of her gloves then clasping her hands on her lap, "and your vitals are good aside from a slightly elevated blood pressure, so we're going to have to monitor that throughout your pregnancy."

Harry is immediately worried. "What can I do?"

"I'll prescribe you something to take and what you can do in general to keep your blood pressure at a stable rate."' 

Harry nods. "Yes, of course. Anything." 

"Don't worry yourself too much about that though. Sometimes stress can do worse."

"Okay," Harry breathes out, giving her a smile. He's a bit of a stressbug so he's going to have to try and control that throughout the pregnancy. 

"Great, well, here are your ultrasound copies and we'll make set your next appointment four weeks from now. Sound good?" 

Harry nods, taking the copies and examining the little bean-like grey blob on the photo. He smiles, feeling a warm sensation bloom in his chest. For the first time since he found out that he is pregnant, he's actually happy about it. 

"Can I have one?" Louis asks him as they head out of the doctor's office. 

Harry nods, handing him one. 

"Crazy, innit?" he asks softly, looking at the picture with a pinch between his brows. 

"Yeah, they're so little," Harry grins. 

"Yeah," Louis agrees then looks up at Harry once they're outside, "hey, um, do you mind if I talk to you for a second?"

Harry frowns but nods anyways, turning to him. 

"Not here. Can I come sit with you in your car for a bit?"

"Uh, okay."

Harry fits himself into the driver's seat of his Toyota and Louis in the passenger seat. 

"Um, I wanted to apologise," Louis starts, "I didn't really handle the news well when you told me that you're pregnant."

Harry purses his lips. He can't argue with that. He truly didn't. 

"It was just a shock, you know? We were trying for so long before this and..." he trails off, sighing, "anyways, I just wanted to apologise for how I reacted and tell you again that I am definitely, one hundred percent, going to be involved, okay?"

Harry nods, looking up at him. "Okay."

"Um, I also wanted to ask you whether you spoke to Anne or not the whole living arrangements."

Harry lets out a breath. He didn't speak to her about it yet but he doesn't want to stay in that big old house, is the thing. 

Before Harry can come up with some excuse, Louis speaks again, "I was thinking that I could maybe move in too? With you guys, I mean."

Harry's eyes widen. "What?"

"It's just... I'm always travelling, you know? So, whenever I'm here, I would like to be here, with you--- to help out with the baby, I mean." 

Harry chews on the inside of his cheek. "I haven't asked mum yet," he says honestly, "um, are you sure you want to move back in?"

Louis shrugs. "I think it would be better if I'm closer, then I wouldn't have to go up and down so much."

"Louis... you do remember how much we got on each other's nerves when we stayed together, right? The doctor said I can't stress myself out," he half-jokes about it, laughing shortly at the end. 

"I won't be in your space as much, I mean there are quite a few bedrooms, you know? And we aren't together anymore, plus I can travel a bit more now so I won't be around too much. Though, I guess that defeats the whole purpose of it so I'm going to have to speak to Mark about being a bit more lenient but still--- I think this will be for the best. I don't want to have to be far away even when I am here."

Harry sighs. "I mean, you technically do own the house too so," he shrugs. 

It makes sense, he supposes. Louis is away a lot so when he is here, he doesn't want to have to be away either. Harry's just not sure how that's going to work once their baby starts getting a little older but they'll cross that bridge when they come to it. One worry at a time. 

"Yeah, but you're staying there so I have to ask."

"I mean, I guess so," Harry huffs, "you have to not be so annoying all the time though."

"I'll try my best," Louis says dryly, "just talk to Anne, yeah? And let me know."

"Fine, I will."

"Good. So, the next appointment is on the fifteenth?"

"Yeah, at four in the afternoon. Are you going to come?"

"I want to," he says. 

Which doesn't mean that he _will_ , Harry has learnt that over the years.

"Let me know then," Harry says, "is that all?"

"Jeez, really can't stand me, huh?" Louis laughs. 

Harry gives a look, unamused. 

"Fine, I'll leave," Louis rolls his eyes, "don't forget to speak to your mum."

"I wont," Harry promises then Louis is out the car, slamming the door shut, much too loudly in Harry's opinion. He resists the urge to snap at him and tightens his grip on the steering wheel before starting the car and speeding off, as far away from Louis as possible. 

God, he doesn't know how the hell they're going to do this. 

━━━━━━━

"Oh my god, that's my little nephew," Gemma says with a wet smile, cooing at the ultrasound picture. 

"My godson, you mean," Niall amends, snatching the picture out of her hand. 

"First of all, Niall, I did not say you're going to be the godfather and second, I don't know if I'm having a boy or not."

"I know it's a boy," Gemma says, "I'm good with these things, remember?"

Which is true. With every pregnancy in the family, she'd always guessed correctly. Even as far back as when his mum was having Harry. Though Anne says that that one was just a fluke because she'd wanted a baby brother so badly.

"I think it's a boy too," Niall chimes in, placing the photo back onto the table, "I can feel it in my bones."

"What do you think, H?" Anne asks from beside him.

Harry shrugs. "I don't really know and I don't care, as long as they're a happy, healthy baby then I'm happy."

"Fair enough," Gemma says with a tilt of her head, "or you just don't want to be wrong."

Harry rolls his eyes. 

"I think it'll be a girl," his mum says, "given how many girls run in Louis' family, I'd say the chances are pretty high."

"I don't think it works like that," Gemma knits her brows together, "we can bet on it, if you want to make things interesting?"

"We are not betting on my baby's gender or anything else regarding them for that matter," Harry says sternly, cupping his tiny bump protectively. 

The Bump only showed up about three days ago. He was showering and as he ran his hands down his body, he felt a little bump. Admittedly, after he found it, he cried in the shower, feeling a thousand different emotions all at once. 

"Hey, um, how did Louis take it?" Niall asks. 

The air feels thicker suddenly. Harry sighs. "Not too well at first but he's okay... I guess. He wants to move in soon, with mum and I, I mean."

Anne was quick to agree to move in with Harry to help out, opting to rent her tiny flat out for a few months while she's here. She, just like Harry, was surprised that Louis wanted to move back in though. 

"Oh," Niall blinks, "well, that's good.... then?"

"Um, weird," Harry scoffs, "he was so quick to leave and now he wants to come back."

"H, the circumstances are different," Gemmas says gently, "it's because he wants to help out with the baby, right?"

Harry nods. 

"Then it kinda does make sense, I guess," Niall says, "just makes things really complicated otherwise..."

"Exactly," Harry stresses, "when they're older then he's just going to leave again and then what?"

They all fall silent.

"Hun, maybe just let it happen for a bit and see how it goes, yeah? He's also going to be a new parent and I'm sure he wants to be as involved as he can."

His mum is right, it's just... the complications. 

He sighs. "Yeah, I know. Let's talk about something else now, please?"

The change the subject to Gemma's new flat in East London that she adores. Harry's hand stays over the small curve of his belly throughout.

━━━━━━━

Louis moves in officially shortly after the three-month checkup. It's not too bad for the first week or so, aside from the boxes and dozen other things that come in and out of the house. Again. In the end, it's like Louis hasn't even left, aside from what used to be their bedroom, of course. That's the only thing Louis hasn't tainted again. 

His mum is already there, thank god, but things are awkward between all three of them. They skirt around each other, like the other is a grenade bomb waiting to explode.

Luckily, Harry has work and so does Louis so they don't see each other too much at first. Things go a little sideways right before the four-month checkup.

They don't speak much unless it's absolutely necessary. Harry spends his time talking to his mum and sometimes he'll phone Niall or his sister.

On the night before their appointment, Harry knocks on the door of the guest bedroom that Louis is in. The door is partially opened so Harry can see Louis sitting on the bed, typing away on his laptop. He looks up at Harry when he knocks.

"Hey," Harry greets him.

"Hey, come in," Louis says, then goes back to typing on his laptop.

Harry sits down opposite him, towards the end of the bed. "I, uh, I just wanted to remind you that tomorrow is the appointment with Dr. Paisley."

Louis looks up from his laptop again then curses under his breath. "What time is it again?"

"Afternoon. At five," Harry says, eyebrows furrowed, "will you be able to come?"

"Fuck. I don't think so," Louis huffs, "I have a meeting with Zayn tomorrow at that time."

"I told you about it a few days ago, Louis," Harry chides.

"I know, I just didn't realise it would be the same time. Shit," Louis shuts his laptop and runs a hand over his face, "and I was looking forward to finding out the baby's gender."

Okay. That's. That's not something they discussed.

"I'm sure Zayn will understand if you ask him to reschedule. It's not like he's just another client. He's a friend--- our friend. And also, I didn't actually want to find out the baby's gender," Harry says, rubbing over his tummy.

Louis' eyes linger on the movement before he replies, "I can't just reschedule with him," he mumbles, "and why not?"

"You can, Louis. He'd understand," Harry insists, "and I just don't want to. It'll be like a surprise."

"Harry, I can't," Louis says, "and why did you just get to decide that? I think we should find out."

Harry sighs. "Why can't you, first of all?"

"Because he doesn't know that you're pregnant," Louis admits with frustrated sigh, "I didn't tell him, okay? I didn't tell anyone." 

Harry, inexplicably, feels a little hurt at that.

"Wh--- wait, not even Liam?"

Liam, his fucking PA who knows every damn thing about his life.

"No," Louis mumbles.

Harry shakes his head and gets up. "You know what? Whatever, I'll go with mum tomorrow," he clenches his jaw, before , making a move to walk out, Louis stops him.

"You don't have to overreact, Harry," Louis says and that--- that makes Harry even more livid.

He whips around to face him fully. "Don't you dare say that I'm overreacting about you not telling people that we're having a baby--- that you're going to be a father for fucks sake. You even moved back in here and you didn't even tell your bloody PA? Why?"

Louis sighs again, like he's tired. "Because it's none of anyone else's business. Why should I tell them? Just because you want to tell all of your friends and bloody neighbours, doesn't mean I want to."

Harry steps back, shaking his head, letting out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, we clearly are very different," he mutters, "I just would have thought --- after us trying for so long to have a baby you'd at least be happy about it. You--- you spoke so much about throwing a fucking party to tell people and now," he shakes his head again, sadly.

"Yeah, well we're not exactly together and all happy about everything anymore are we?" Louis asks, narrowing his eyes.

Harry's shoulders sag in defeat. "Good night, Louis."

Pick your battles, he remembers.

With that he walks out and saunters into his bedroom, feeling a wave of sadness wash over him. He shuts the door and heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

He has to sleep on his side now, but he doesn't mind because he gets to hold his little bump while he does. Harry let's a few tears slip while he rubs over the soft skin underneath his shirt.

"This isn't how I imagined having you," he whispers into the quiet night, "I wish you didn't have to come into such a horrible environment but I promise that I love you more than anything and nothing is ever going to change that."

He wishes he could reach down and kiss his belly but all he can do for now is hold his bump, hoping that at least his baby feels safe with him.

As soon as he thinks it, he feels a little flutter inside of him. He gasps excitedly. It's barely there, only a little movement but it feels weird---- in a good way. Like his baby is agreeing--- is listening to him and saying that they do feel safe.

━━━━━━━

"Is Louis meeting us here?" Anne asks the next day, waiting next to Harry.

She's been out the whole day so she didn't find out about Louis.

Harry shakes his head, his mood dulling a bit. "He has a meeting," he mutters.

Anne frowns. "Oh, he seemed excited to find out about the baby's gender."

"I don't want to find out about their gender," Harry mumbles, "I don't get him, mum," Harry sighs, "he seems all happy and excited about the baby one day and then the next it's like such a burden to him. Do you know that he didn't even tell his PA why he's moved back in with me? His own PA and best friend doesn't even know he's going to be a dad because he said he doesn't want to tell everyone because it's no one else's business while I want to tell every fucking one apparently," he rambles.

Anne blinks, clearly surprised. "I heard some arguing last night," she admits, "I meant to ask but I'm guessing this is what it was about."

"Yeah. He didn't want to reschedule his meeting with Zayn. Frickin' Zayn for God's sake. As if he isn't _our_ friend. As if _Liam_ isn't our friend either. The only reason why I didn't tell them is because I thought Louis would have already. I was wondering why they didn't say anything."

"He didn't tell them?" She asks, frown deepening, "he's very confusing, isn't he?"

"Yeah, that's one word for it," Harry mumbles, "I'm just--- I don't care anymore but I still kind of do because this is our baby, you know?" He says, suddenly choked up, "I wish we could just get along, just for them."

"Doesn't work like that, love," she says with a sad smile, "you guys will need to talk about things a bit more in depth, I think."

"You can't talk to him," Harry scoffs, "it's impossible."

"Well, you'll have to. It's going to be much more complicated once baby arrives, you know? You need to know if he's going to one hundred percent in this or not now, rather than later."

"Yeah," Harry says, "I guess so."

The thought of Harry doing this alone--- without a partner--- _Louis_ \--- by his side is terrifying but at this rate, it may have to happen.

"Love, it's just one argument, I'm sure you guys will come to some sort of agreement."

Harry nods. She may have a point. It's one argument but a big one and the fact that they're already divorced plays a big part in all of this. _He_ wanted to come and stay with Harry again to be part of the baby's life. Now though, Harry can't help but wonder if it was just because he wanted a place to hide away for a bit, so that no one finds out anything about his life.

Their home --- what used to be their home--- is in a very secluded place after all. They'd made sure about that when they were looking to buy a house, wanting something private and out of the spotlight to raise their kids.

Louis is very confusing, in conclusion. Harry is tired of being confused.

They get called into Dr. Paisley's office shortly after their conversation. She greets them with a friendly smile, gesturing for Harry to lie back and lift up his shirt.

"How's everything been going then?" She asks, as she's preparing everything.

"Okay so far, I think," Harry says.

"Mum, is he being good to himself?" She asks Anne.

"As far as I can see he is," she grins at him.

He hisses when the doctor places the gel on his tummy. "Never get used to that, do you?" He laughs.

"Some people do," she smiles, then the door is pushed opened.

"Hi, sorry I'm late," Louis--- _Louis_ \--- says, awkwardly walking to Anne.

Anne, being his mother, smiles at him and offers her seat.

"No, it's alright. I'll stand," he tells her.

"No, it's fine, love, sit. I've been sitting for too long anyways."

"We can get you another seat, if you'd like," Dr. Paisley offers.

"No, it's really fine," she assures her.

Louis takes a seat next to Harry, making Harry shift on his seat uneasily. He's here but that doesn't change anything. And he's late too so there's that. How did they even let him in?

"Alright," the doctor says then starts moving the wand around on his stomach, "there's baby Styles," she smiles.

Harry almost gasps in awe. They've grown so much in just a month, it's unreal. Harry can see them--- like properly now. He tears up at the sight.

"They seem to be developing well. A little small but that's normal for first pregnancies," she informs them.

"Wow, that's--- wow," Louis says quietly next to him.

Harry can agree with him on that.

"Do you want to know the gender? I can see them pretty clearly," she says.

Harry bites his lip. He still doesn't want to know.

"No," Louis says, making Harry look at him, "think we'll keep it a surprise," he gives Harry a small smile.

Harry sends him one back, grateful that he's on board with that decision.

"Okay, fair enough," Dr. Paisley says, handing him a tissue after pulling away, "Well, everything looks well with baby, we'll just check your vitals now."

Harry nods, wiping down his tummy and pulling down his shirt, spotting Louis looking there.

"What?" He asks.

"Just--- I haven't seen your stomach, since, um, since you got a proper bump, so," he shrugs, "your butterfly is all stretched already."

"Ugh, I know," Harry pouts, swinging his legs a bit.

"Your baby looks lovely," his mum comments.

"Thanks, mum," he smiles at her, "your grandbaby."

"My first grandbaby," she says with a watery smile.

"I felt a little movement yesterday," he tells the doctor as she checks his pressure.

"Oh really?" She grins.

"Yeah, you said I'd feel some around this time, right? I didn't just imagine it."

"No, you probably didn't," she chuckles, "you'll definitely feel more after today."

Harry smiles, excited.

The smile of Dr. Paisley's face falls, reading the pressure machine.

"What is it?" Anne asks before Harry can.

"Your pressure is still really high," she says, "have you been feeling dizzy spells, headaches, anything like that?"

"Um, I had a few headaches but they went away pretty quickly so I didn't think much of it," Harry swallows, "what--- what did I do wrong?"

"No, nothing, don't worry about it. You haven't been having any caffeine? And you've been doing everything P told you?"

Harry nods his head.

"Then you're doing everything well, don't worry," she says, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"But then why?" Harry asks, confused.

She hums in thought. "And your stress levels?"

Harry inhales, looking down. "Um, I--- I've been trying to."

She sighs, but not in a condescending way, just like a concerned parent. "You have to try and keep your stress levels under control, Harry. Maybe try meditation? Yoga? Some people like painting."

Harry nods. "Yeah, okay," he agrees. He'll do whatever he can to try and keep his baby safe. He has to.

"Look, don't worry yourself over it too much. It might stress you out even further, okay? Take it one day at a time, yeah?"

"Okay."

"Listen, everything else is all good and your baby is healthy, so you're doing just fine, Harry. I'm sure your mum and your partner will look after you."

Harry doesn't bother to correct her.

"Thank you," he says instead. 

They leave in three separate cars. Harry makes a mental note to ask his mum to travel together next time. He's not sure about Louis. 

Speaking of, Louis asks to speak with him once they get to the house. His mum excuses herself to the kitchen, telling Harry that she'll whip up something for supper. They sit in the lounge, at the far end, even though Harry is sure his mum can hear them if she really wants to. 

"Uh, I'm really sorry about... everything yesterday," Louis starts, scratching the back of his neck, "I was really stressed out and... it's just, it's not an excuse, but I am sorry."

Harry chews on his bottom lip. "Louis, I need to know if you're in this for real or not. If you don't want to have anything to do with the baby and I then I want to---"

"I do," he says earnestly, "Harry, I'm really sorry for yesterday, I am, but I want to be here. I moved here to be closer, didn't I?"

Harry sighs. "Fine," he says, still dubious though, "thanks for coming today."

"You really don't have to thank me. Uh, the thing about your blood pressure, by the way,"

"Yeah?"

"Have you been stressed recently?" 

Harry lets out a humourless laugh. 

"Stupid question," Louis mumbles, "sorry."

"It's fine," Harry sighs, "I'll just have to try and control it, I guess."

"I'll help, in any way I can," Louis says, tone determined.

Harry's heart flutters at that. "O-okay, thanks," he clears his throat. 

"Yeah, of course," Louis smiles. Like the way he used to when they'd first started going out. Harry hasn't seen that smile in a really long time. 

"Um, I need to use the bathroom," Harry says, pushing himself off the couch. 

"Okay, I'll, uh, see if your mum needs help," Louis says, excusing himself and walking to Anne in the kitchen. 

Harry heads to the bathroom, feeling a little lighter. 

━━━━━━━

On Saturday morning, Harry walks downstairs, enticed by the smell of something sweet and syrupy in the air. He expects to see his mum standing by the stove but it's Louis, clad in just sweats and a shirt, hair in a soft fringe over his forehead, flipping pancakes. He blinks twice, convinced he's dreaming. 

"Morning," Louis greets him. 

Okay, so he's not dreaming then. 

"Uh, morning," Harry greets back, walking to the island, where two plates are set out, "what's all this?" 

"Buckwheat, vegan pancakes and a protein shake with some fruit," Louis explains, pushing the plate of pancakes towards Harry. 

"Why?" Harry asks, confused. 

"Apparently, plant-based foods help reduce high blood pressure, hence the vegan pancakes and protein because, you know, vitamins and fruit for the same reason. Also, I bought some low-sodium stuff earlier today, noodles, soy sauce and whatnot. I know you like your Asian food but too much salt is also bad for your pressure."

Harry stares at him, a warm sensation developing in his tummy. He's not sure if that's the baby or from something else. 

"I--- thank you. I didn't--- I--- yeah, thanks," he fumbles for the right words. 

Louis laughs. "You're welcome. Eat up." 

Harry is not going to argue with that. He takes a seat, digging into the breakfast. Louis places his prenatal vitamins next to him with a big glass of water while he's eating. Harry smiles softly at him. 

It's a start, Harry thinks. They can be okay together, even if they aren't actually together-together. 

"Where's mum?" Harry asks. 

Louis looks up from his own breakfast. "She went out with her friends for some brunch."

"Oh, right. That was today, " Harry nods, realising that she'd mentioned it yesterday, he'd just forgotten. 

"Yeah, she was going to make something for breakfast but I shooed her away before she could."

Harry smiles. He looks up at Louis again. "What are you doing here?" he asks carefully, not wanting to ruin the moment somehow.

"Day off," he replies, putting his plate in the sink, "thought I'd do something nice."

"Well, um, thank you," Harry says sincerely, "this is actually really good."

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Louis asks, eyebrow raised, mirth in his eyes. 

"No, no--- just, buckwheat sounds gross, you know?"

"Hm, yeah, right," Louis says, "and yet you still insist on having kale."

"Kale doesn't sound gross," Harry protests. 

"But it tastes gross," Louis counters. 

"That's your wrong opinion," Harry mumbles, giving Louis a playful smile. Louis smiles back, shaking his head. 

It's good. It really feels like a start. 

━━━━━━━

Louis joins Harry for a meditation session just after his five-month checkup. Dr. Paisley said that his pressure is much better and Louis looks proud about it. Maybe, he should be. He's been religious about Harry's food intake, making sure he's eating the right things that don't have the risk of elevating his blood pressure. His mum was as pleasantly surprised as Harry when she'd noticed but neither her nor Harry could stop feeling fond about it. 

He'd been more attentive now, for the past few weeks. He's still working most of the week but he'll leave a breakfast for Harry before he leaves, or he'll put some note about something Harry can prepare for his lunch. He even gets food delivered to Harry's office building sometimes. It honestly kind of feels like the beginning of their relationship again. 

Harry's not sure if that's a good thing though. They ended things for a reason, after all. 

Harry is out on the patio, doing his almost daily routine when Louis joins him, not-so-quietly at that. Harry opens one eye, watching Louis sit down next him. 

"What are you doing?" Harry asks, when Louis gets into the same position as him. 

"Um, yoga?"

"Meditation," Harry amends with a small smile, "why?"

"Because you always look so peaceful when you do it so I thought I'd give it a go," Louis shrugs, "so, come on, teach me."

Harry huffs out a laugh. "You literally just have to try and clear your mind and focus on your breathing, you'll fall into like, a trance-like state if you do it right."

"Uh, okay," Louis furrows his eyebrows, "do I have to say Om?"

Harry snorts. "No, my friend Pradeep says it's kind of offensive."

"Really? Huh, alright then," Louis huffs. 

"Just take a deep breath in and then out," Harry instructs him. 

Louis matches his breathing patterns for a bit, so Harry thinks he's getting the hang of it, but then he speaks, disrupting Harry again. 

"I can't do this," he groans, "my mind is all over the place."

"Just stop thinking so much," Harry says, amused. 

"That might be easy for you..." Louis replies cheekily. 

Harry giggles, whacking his arm blindly. "Shut up and just try and focus on your brea---" he cuts himself off with a gasp. 

"What? What's happening?" Louis asks, turned to him completely, searching his face. 

"Louis," Harry smiles wetly, grabbing his hand and placing it over his stomach. 

Louis gasps too, eyes wide with wonder, looking down at Harry's stomach. "Oh my god, is that---"

"Yeah, they're kicking," Harry grins up at him. 

"Oh my god," Louis says again, placing his other hand on Harry's stomach, then he leans down and he--- he does something he's never done before. He talks to the baby. "Hey, tiny," Louis says, his breath hot over the top of Harry's stomach. The baby gives another kick, causing Louis to smile again, tears at the rims of his eyes. "Hey, love, it's nice to, uh, feel you, I guess."

Harry chuckles. In the moment, he wants to run his hand through Louis' hair while he talks to the baby--- _their_ baby. Oh god, that's their baby in there. They're alive and Harry loves them so much. 

"Oh my god, they're kicking again," Louis laughs, a breathy, surprised kind, the sound airy and light. 

"God, I know," Harry smiles, placing his hand over one of Louis', looking at him, "we made that."

Louis gives him a meaningful look, eyes soft. "Yeah, we did," he says softly. 

Their moment is interrupted by Harry's mum clearing her throat at the threshold of the sliding door. Louis pulls away quickly as if he's been burnt. Harry frowns at that. 

"Just came to say that I've made some snacks if you boys want any," she says, eyeing the two. 

"Uh, yeah, sure," Louis says, pushing himself onto his feet, "thanks."

"Sorry, the baby--- uh, the baby kicked," Harry explains, watching Louis walk passed his mum and into their kitchen, "so, I just told him to feel it."

Anne's eyes brighten. "Oh, they kicked?" she gasps, scurrying towards him, bending down, "let me feel."

She places a hand gingerly over Harry's tummy and sure enough, the baby kicks again. Looks like this little one likes attention, Harry thinks fondly. 

"Oh, it's wonderful, isn't it?" She grins. 

"Yeah, it feels really weird actually," Harry says honestly, "but not, like, bad."

"Oh, yeah, I remember when I felt it for the first time," she chuckles, removing her hand, "I was actually kind of freaked out if I'm being honest."

Harry chuckles too, rubbing his hand over his belly, a habit he's been doing quite a bit lately. "Not freaked out. I really love it." 

"Of course you love it," she says, "let's hope they don't keep you up at night with all of that kicking."

Harry shrugs. "I don't mind."

"You say that now," she rolls her eyes then gets up, extending her hand out for him, "come on, have some of the muffins I made."

"Vegan?" Harry raises an eyebrow, getting up too. 

"Yes, or else I wouldn't hear the end of it from Louis." 

Harry smiles to himself. 

"He's been better, hasn't he?" Anne says quietly before they reach the sliding door. 

"Yeah," Harry agrees. 

"Good," she smiles and winks at him before pulling away and stepping into the house. Harry follows her, spotting Louis buttering a muffin, a hot cup of tea next to him. 

"Tea?" Louis asks him. 

"Tea," he nods. 

━━━━━━━

It's late one Friday evening and Harry has the most intense craving he's ever felt for Belgian dark chocolate ice cream. Honestly, it doesn't really make sense because he's only ever had that, like twice in his life. He looks down at his belly and sighs. "Love, what are you doing to me?"

It's around half eleven so he knows not a lot of shops will be opened but he really, really wants it--- _needs_ it. With a defeated sigh, he pushes the duvet off of himself and makes his way downstairs as quietly as possible. 

He keeps the lights off, opting to use the torch on his phone to search for his car keys instead. Honestly, there's just too many cars here nowadays. 

"Harry?"

Harry jumps in surprise, clutching his chest, spotting Louis looking sleepy at the end of his torch. He squints his eyes at the bright light. 

"Louis, you scared me," Harry scolds, "I'm looking for the car keys."

"What? Why?" 

Harry finally pulls his out with a triumphant grin on his face. 

"I'm going to buy some ice cream," he explains, already making his way to the door. 

"Woah, wait, hey," Louis stops him by grabbing his arm gently, "at this hour?"

Harry sighs. "I really need it," he whines, "you won't understand."

"Okay, hey," he stops Harry again, "give me the keys, I'll drive you." 

"What? It's fine, Lou, I can do it by myself---"

Louis snatches the keys out of his hand. "Nope, I'm driving, come on."

Harry sighs. He doesn't fight it. He just wants his ice cream. 

They drive to the nearest store that's opened at this time, both dressed in their nightwear. Harry excitedly scans their freezer for his Belgian dark chocolate ice cream but finds nothing. He pouts, disappointed. 

"They don't have it," he complains to Louis.

"Well, maybe you could try another flavour? You like cookie dough, don't you?"

Harry wrinkles his nose. "Not right now. And I _need_ the dark chocolate one."

Louis huffs. Harry feels a pang of guilt, noticing how tired Louis looks, the bags under his eyes deeper and cheeks a little puffy. 

"Okay, there's another store a little further away. We can check that out?"

Harry grins, biting his bottom lip. "Please and thank you."

Louis shakes his head. "Fine then, come on."

So they drive to another store that's almost half an hour away from the house. Harry walks into this slightly smaller store in desperate hopes to find this fucking flavour of ice cream. He walks to the freezer section and this time Louis helps him look too. Harry lets out a frustrated groan, unable to find this bloody flavour. 

"Nothing again," Harry whines, "now what?"

Louis stares at him, looking like he feels sorry for Harry. "Maybe we just go home?" 

Harry feels like crying, he truly does. Louis must notice because he quickly suggests something else. 

"Hey, okay, there's a restaurant that I'm pretty sure has that flavour you like in their dessert menu."

"Would they be opened at this time?" Harry asks, hope blooming in his chest again. 

"I don't know but it wouldn't hurt to check?"

Harry nods in agreement. He feels like his craving gets worse and worse as the time goes by. They drive a further ten minutes away and Louis yawns at least thrice before they park outside a restaurant that's thankfully opened. 

Harry bounces on his feet, walking to the entrance. "Come on, hurry up," he tells Louis. 

The waiter at the entrance looks Harry up and down. "Can I help you?"

"We'd like to see your menu," Louis says, resting a hand on the small of Harry's back. Harry shivers. 

He hands them a menu and sure enough, the ice cream option is there and written in bold. Harry grins. "Sorry, could you check if you have this ice cream flavour available?"

The waiter nods. "Just served some now so we do."

Harry cheers. "May we please have a table for two then?"

They get seated on a random table near the window and Harry orders the ice cream with a beaming smile on his face. 

"Thank god they have it here," Louis sighs as they wait for Harry's order. 

"Yeah, I'm, um, sorry for making you go everywhere."

"It's okay. What Tiny wants, Tiny shall get." 

Harry's stomach flutters. He smiles at that. This baby is going to be spoiled rotten, Harry can already tell.

When a decent sized portion of the ice cream is placed in front of him, Harry immediately digs in, unabashedly demolishing the treat, moaning in delight. 

Louis laughs, a fond look on his face. "Worth it?"

"So worth it," Harry says, taking another bite. 

He doesn't miss the way Louis keeps staring at him, the fond look on his face never leaving.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * If anyone is wondering, I picture their house to be Celeste's and Perry's from Big Little Lies. You can google that if you're curious to see how it looks :)

Something weird happens during the two weeks that Louis goes to Los Angeles. Harry starts to miss him, just like he used to when they were together and Louis would go for his business trips. He panics a bit because--- _no_. That's not supposed to happen. While their baby is meant to rely on Louis, Harry isn't, not in this way at least. 

Not in the way that he craves Louis' attention, wants him to be here every time the baby so much as moves, neglects to have a proper breakfast only because he's too lazy to go the lengths that Louis normally does. It's maddening how much he misses Louis. 

And Harry needs it to stop. Just because they're at a better stage with each other, and can live with each other without wanting to slaughter the other, doesn't mean they could ever work again romantically. They just--- they're not compatible in that way. 

Harry wishes he would have figured it out before they'd gotten married or, rather, started dating. It's just, with them, they'd fallen head first into going out with each other. It was instantaneous, their attraction. Which Harry realises now was infatuation, lust, tension. Heck, their sex lives never lacked any chemistry. 

But Harry was younger then, only starting out in his career and given a huge opportunity to interview renowned Louis Tomlinson, who'd been promoted in the family business to manage his own record label. Admittedly, Harry did find Louis attractive before they'd met, from the few pictures he'd seen online and on magazines, but seeing him in person was another kind of experience. 

In person, he held this aura to him that turns every head in the room. You can't help but immediately be enticed by someone like Louis Tomlinson. He was a mess when he interviewed Louis, babbling, extra clumsy and he'd even spat at him by accident when he asked a question. Luckily, Louis was, well, Louis, he teased Harry about it but was ultimately a good sport about everything, despite Harry's awkwardness. 

Little did Harry know at that time that Louis found all of it endearing, as he would later reveal to Harry on their second date. Which is probably what prompted Louis into writing his phone number on a piece of paper, slipping it into Harry's hand before he left with a wink. Harry had to give it to him; he was quite smoothe about it all. 

They fell for each other hard after that, if not in that very moment and so falling in love with Louis didn't even take him by surprise, it felt like such a normal thing to feel with him. Louis'd proposed after just eight months of being together and they got married just after their one year anniversary. 

Maybe that was their mistake; they'd rushed into things. Everything happened so fast, Harry failed to keep track and somewhere along the way they'd fallen down and he didn't even notice. 

The first few months of married life were amazing too. They'd gotten their dream house, talked about starting a family, had Sunday roasts at least once a month with close friends. It was good. Then things started to crumble. Like Harry said, he can't tell you exactly where that started to happen but it happened right under his nose. 

They'd lost Jay and then Robin and the losses kept coming in after that. For some fucked up reason --- as Harry now realises --- they thought bringing a baby into the midst of such a disaster would be a good idea. 

Well, now look how that turned out. 

Harry huffs, pushing himself off of the comfortable sofa with great reluctance. His belly is getting bigger and he's loving every second of it. Though his mum says he still looks quite small for being six months into his pregnancy. 

He ignores her about that. He has a big, round, lovely belly as far as he's concerned, thank you very much.

"Love, do you need anything?" She asks Harry.

"No, I honestly just need to walk a bit," he replies, "feet are feeling weird."

"Hey, mum," he says, walking up and down the kitchen.

"Yes, love?"

"Do you think it's weird that I'm missing Louis?"

She turns her whole body on the couch to look at him. "Um, I don't know. Why? Do you?"

"It's just," he pauses, sighing, "like I miss him being here with me and I haven't felt that in ages."

"I see," she hums, "you know, he might feel the same way."

"Not the point," he mumbles, cheeks growing hot.

"What is your point then, darling?" She asks, looking slightly amused. 

Harry huffs like a child that's not been understood. "I just--- I don't want to feel that again."

"Why not?"

"Because, mum, we broke up for a reason, you know? And I'm scared that I'm getting too attached again. What's going to happen once the baby gets here?"

"Harry, you knew there would be all of this to deal with when you two agreed that he'd move back here, didn't you?"

"Not like this," he sighs, having the sudden urge to stomp his foot, "I thought it would get complicated because we wouldn't be able to stand each other not because I --- we--- I don't know..."

"Actually like each other?" she supplies.

Harry rolls his eyes, walking back to the couch. "Well, when you say it like that it sounds stupid."

"Look, sweetie, I don't know what to tell you, maybe you and Louis need to have a talk when he gets back about your relationship and where you stand and what you want out of it going forward otherwise it's going to get too complicated and messy."

"More than it already is," he mumbles, sitting down slowly, "I'll talk to him though," he says, knowing she's right. 

They can't have communication problems upon everything else. Harry needs to make it clear that--- that what, exactly? He's not even sure if Louis is feeling the same way he is. Hell, Harry himself isn't sure what he's feeling himself either, other than the fact that he misses Louis. That fact alone is very telling though. He doesn't want to rely on Louis to that extent--- not anymore.   
  


━━━━━━━  
  


When Louis does come back, he doesn't talk to him about anything. Well, not yet anyways. But that's only because they've both been really busy at work. Harry's not stalling, not at all. He's just--- he's not sure how to go about all of this. They're doing well, see, and he doesn't want to ruin it by being too presumptuous or anything. Or just upsetting Louis, period. 

"Mum, can we sit down, please?" He sighs, leaning against a wall for support. She insisted that they come to the mall to do some shopping because according to her, Harry hasn't been out of the house enough, unless it's for work. 

She's not wrong but there's a reason why he hasn't. He just can't be on his feet for too long or else his ankles get even more swollen than they already are. 

"No, it's all right, love. Let's go home, yeah?" She smiles, looking up from her phone. Harry is not going to disagree with that so he follows her to her car, determined to go home and put up his legs. 

Harry is tapping his fingers on his thighs along with the beat of the music from the radio when he notices that it's not only Louis' car in the driveway. He sits up straighter, looking at his mum curiously. 

"Mum, why are there so many cars in the driveway?" 

"Come on, why don't we find out," she grins, putting the car in park and slipping off her gloves. 

Harry narrows his eyes suspiciously before following her out of the car slowly. He is getting bigger, what can he say?

There's a huge grin on his mum's face as she opens the door and then---

"Surprise!" 

Harry jumps back, holding his chest and lets out a breath. "Shit," he laughs, spotting a few familiar faces, "what is all of this?"

"Happy baby shower," Louis says, walking up to them, looking dapper with a plain dress shirt and skinny jeans. 

"Louis, oh my god," Harry exhales, grinning, "you didn't have to."

"But I did," he shrugs, "come greet our guests now, would you?" 

Harry shakes his head giving his mum --- who's smiling mischievously--- a look. "Well played."

She exaggerates a bow at him. "I know," she says, "now go and say hello, look at how lovely the place is decorated."

Harry scans the inside of the house, impressed. And there's more outside but Harry is guessing that it's too cold to go outside right now. He also spots Zayn and Liam to one side, smiling at him. 

Louis takes him by surprise, grabbing his hand, cupping theirs together and leading Harry further into the house. A crowd of people approach him, congratulating him then, telling him he looks like he's glowing, which he thinks is bullshit but he takes the compliment anyways. 

"Um, do you mind if I go and change and then we can mingle a bit more?" Harry asks Louis quietly. 

"Yes, sure," Louis rests his hand on his waist momentarily, giving him a smile, "and then we can open presents."

Harry feels like a child then, getting excited to see the presents he'll get for his baby--- their baby. He changes into a looser jumper, leaving his pants on and touches up his hair before joining everyone downstairs again. Louis catches his eye immediately, smiling softly at him. 

"Right, I think we should open some presents now," Louis announces, his arms opening the closer Harry walks to him. He wraps an arm around Harry's waist, leading him to a seat in the middle of the living room. 

Everyone around them gathers closer, Louis by his side, still standing. Harry feels himself flush a little at the attention as they start opening up presents. He realises as he opens the presents that he has literally nothing ready for the baby. They literally didn't even prepare the nursery, other than the fact that they moved the bed out from one of the guest bedrooms, into the garage. Does that count as something?

He tries not the panic or overthink about that at the moment, unwrapping the paper. his heart melting at the sight. It's a little fluffy, white and grey onesie with 'I love my daddies' at the back of it. 

"Oh my god," Harry laughs happily, showing it to Louis. 

Louis's smile is blinding, eyes crinkling. "Is this from Liam?" 

Liam, who's standing at the fireplace next to Zayn, grins sheepishly. "I had to," he shrugs. 

"It's really cute. Thank you," Harry says that Louis echoes. 

Harry's touched at every present he receives for their baby. It gets him emotional at the end, when he opens up the last few presents, the pram from Zayn, that Harry is sure cost a fortune, Gemma's set of baby growers and little socks with animals on them and lastly, a gift from Louis that gets the tears going. 

"It's an album," he explains, "each one is for a moment for our baby, like, here," he opens the album to one page, showing it to Harry, "Baby's first smile, and then baby's first bath... that type of stuff."

Harry bites his bottom lip, blinking his tears away. 

"Love, are you alright?" Louis asks, placing a hand on Harry's back

"Yeah, just," he shakes his head, letting out a breath, "it's--- all of this--- it's amazing. Thank you," he looks up at Louis. 

"Yeah, of course," Louis says seriously, rubbing his back, "do you need a minute?"

"Um, how about food?" He asks eliciting a laugh from everyone around them.

"Alright," Louis chuckles, "guess it's food time then. Help yourselves to everything out on the table," he tells the guests. 

Once everyone is scattering around the table, Harry gets up, immediately pulling Louis into a hug. Louis makes a quiet 'oof' sound, before hugging him back, letting out a small laugh. 

"Thank you so much, Louis. Thank you for everything," Harry says quietly. He wants to pull him closer but he can't with his belly in the way. 

"Oh, yeah, of course," Louis says, tone genuine, "you deserve it--- Tiny does too." 

Harry chuckles, pulling away and looking at Louis. "That nickname is gonna stick, huh?"

"Tiny? Oh, yeah, definitely. They're tiny, it makes sense," Louis grins, cupping Harry's belly. 

Harry smiles too. 

"So, food?" Louis asks, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Food," Harry agrees, "tell me we have sam---"

"Samoosas? Yep, the potato ones just like you like 'em, but I held back on the spice because---"

"Of my blood pressure, okay, yes, I know this by now," Harry sighs. 

"Just watching out for you, love," Louis says, then--- then-- he kisses Harry's cheek, "go eat, I'll be right back." 

Harry touches the spot Louis kissed, watching Louis walk towards the patio. He feels a spike in his heart rate but he dutifully ignores it.

"H," his sister calls out, snapping him out of thoughts. 

Harry looks at her, blinking. "Hi," he says. 

"Hey, got you some stuff," she says, handing him a tiny plate of snacks. 

"Thanks," he mumbles, happily taking the samoosa and munching on it.

"So, do you like everything?" She asks.

"Love it. It's so great. I--- I realised I did not prepare much for this baby," he chuckles softly, touching his belly.

"You still have some time," she waves her hand in the air, "it was very last minute but Louis was very adamant about it." 

"He was?" Harry asks, curiosity perked. 

"Yeah, he only planned it like a week ago. Lucky he got everyone to come. He can be very persuasive."

"Can't believe he did it," Harry smiles to himself, "thank you for the gift, I really love it."

"I'm glad. Seems like you got pretty emotional towards the end there."

"Yeah, pregnancy hormones, all that, you know?" He shrugs. 

"Yeah," she hums trailing off, "so, uh, you and Louis... are two, like a thing again or?"

Harry sighs. "No, we're not. Not at all."

"But you seem---" she cuts herself off, shaking her head, "you're getting along, by the looks of it. I was surprised when mum told me that Louis was planning all of this. She may have added how good he's been with you recently too." 

Harry snorts. Trust his mum to spread some juicy details to his own sister, i.e. her own daughter. "He's been good and we are getting along," he confirms, "I just--- I don't want to, I don't know, I don't want anything romantic with him again."

"No?" She asks, sounding surprised. 

Harry shakes his head. "Gem, it was bad. It was so, so bad. I couldn't even stand being near him at one stage."

"Yet you two still had sex somehow," she says flatly. 

Harry's cheeks grow warm. "Shut up, it was just a moment that escalated and it was not--- it was like rough and angry and--"

"Hot?" She offers with a smirk on her face. 

His cheeks grow warmer. "Anyways, I don't want anything romantic with him anymore. I just want to be able to get along with him for the baby's sake." 

Gemma purses her lips together before speaking again. "You know, he hasn't stopped looking here?" 

Harry looks up and sure enough, he catches Louis' eye. Louis looks away, returning to his conversation with Liam. 

"And I haven't been here for more than a few hours but he's literally doting over you. If I didn't know you two were divorced, I would have thought you guys are madly in love, just saying." 

Harry's shoulders sag. That's what he was afraid of. "You think he'll want to, like, try again or whatever?"

"Maybe," she shrugs, "maybe he'll ask for the sake of the baby."

"No, that's not--- if we would ever try and work things out again, it would be because we want to otherwise it won't be healthy." 

"Well, I don't know. I'm just saying that I think he's, you know, really into you."

Harry rolls his eyes. "Whatever, I don't think so. I think he's confusing the fact that we're getting along to something better, or deeper, romantic, you know?"

"Have you ever considered the fact that it could be?" Gemma raises her brow. 

Harry shakes his head again. "It can't be," he says firmly, "I'm not gonna let that happen and fail again."

Before Gemma can reply, they're interrupted by Liam and Zayn approaching them. They both give Harry a hug, congratulating him and Gemma excuses herself with a polite smile, walking back to the food on the dining room table. 

"You know, Louis is really excited about this," Liam tells Harry, "all his recent internet history has been full of baby stuff." 

"Yeah?" Harry asks, his chest warm. 

"Oh, yeah," Zayn chimes in, "asked me for any ideas for names the other day too." 

Harry grins. They need to still have a discussion about names. Harry has some he likes too. 

"I am really happy for you guys," Liam says sincerely, "I know it's a little difficult but I'm sure everything will work out okay." 

"I really hope so," Harry says quietly, rubbing the top of his tummy with his free hand. "Hey, catch me up on you two now." 

Liam smiles bashfully while Zayn kisses his cheek as they gush about how they've recently found a place together just at the heart of London and how they're thinking about hiring the same interior designer as the one Louis and Harry did. 

There's a strange sort of yearning in Harry's chest as he watches them together.   
  


━━━━━━━  
  


On a Sunday, they decide to paint the nursery. Finally getting around to it, more like. Harry has a pile of gifts from the baby shower sitting in his room that need a place to go in properly. So, from Thursday all the way to today, they get some furniture delivered; cot, changing table, chest of drawers and they got additional things that they still needed like baby bottles, dummies, nappies--- every essential that they failed to get previously, basically. 

Louis was adamant about not worrying about the price of things, saying, "What Tiny needs, Tiny will get." Harry hopes for his sake that that'll eventually stop because otherwise their little one is going to be too spoiled. He'd even splurged on other things, like a cowboy/girl outfit because, "it's cute, Harry, come on." 

Harry doesn't say anything about that, just shakes his head and lets Louis do as he pleases. 

He still hasn't spoken to Louis about what he's been feeling, about establishing boundaries, discussing what's going to happen once the baby arrives--- it's just too stressful for Harry to think about right now and he's not supposed to be stressing. He has a baby to think about now. 

"A bit cliche to be wearing a dungaree to paint a nursery, innit?" Louis asks with a teasing smile.

Harry blinks out of his thoughts, looking down at his protruding tummy in the bright denim. "It's cute," he pouts. 

"If you say so," Louis murmurs, walking up to the white wall and staring at it, head tilted, "any ideas for how exactly we're going to do this? You chose three different colours."

Harry shrugs. "I like all three so you can choose which one to use or more than one, I guess." 

"And pray tell, what will we do with the remaining colour or colours?" Louis asks, arching a brow at him. 

For a brief moment, Harry wants to say that they could save it for the next one. He opens his mouth but shuts it quickly, his mind processing what he was about to imply. Was it an implication?

"We can give it to mum or one of our friends--- your sisters or Ernie?" He suggests instead. 

"I highly doubt they'd want," he glances down at the cans, reading the colours, "mint green, turquoise or whatever the hell blush is." 

"Blush is like a red-pink colour," Harry explains, "Lottie could use them in her salon." 

She has a Salon not too far from Donny that she runs. She didn't want anything to do with the family business so she opted to follow her dreams and become a hairdresser instead. Quite a successful one at that. 

"Maybe," Louis concedes, "but we still need to choose a colour and which stencils you want to use." 

Harry hums, staring at the stencils displayed over the floor of the nursery. "I like the birdies." 

"Birdies?" Louis repeats with a smirk. 

Harry rolls his eyes. "They're cute birds so they're birdies." 

"Right, right. So you want the birdies then?" 

"Yeah, I think so. What do you want?" Harry asks, feeling as though he's choosing too much for what's meant to be _their_ baby's room. 

Louis steps closer to Harry, scanning the stencils too. "I don't mind really." 

"You have to choose something," Harry says.

"I like the mint green," Louis says, almost instantly. 

Harry bites his lip. "I think I like that one too." 

"Okay, mint green with birdies?" 

"Yeah and some of those frames we chose--- the ones with the elephant and Moon." 

"Okay, but, um, what colour are the birdies going to be?" Louis asks. 

Harry puffs out air from his cheeks. "Um, we still have some of that dark grey from when we did the stairs outside. Do you think that'll look nice?" 

Louis scratches his chin. "I think it might, yeah. Mint green and grey. Sounds... odd but it might just work." 

"Okay, let's do this then," Harry says, rubbing his hands together excitedly. 

So they spend the day and the afternoon painting the nursery. The colours actually go really well together and they match the white furniture well too. Harry wants to paint the birds but Louis won't let him stand on the ladder so Louis ends up doing them but he does them slightly crooked. It still ends up looking cute though. At the end, Harry is sweaty and his feet are really sore, plus he's hungry, but it's all worth it because they finally have their baby's nursery done. 

"I really hope you like your room, love," Harry says, rubbing over his belly. 

"I think they will, after all the blood, sweat and tears we put into it, they better," Louis remarks. 

Harry snorts. 

"You know, we're going to have to paint over all of this when they get older and like different things," Louis says, "now I feel stupid." 

Harry giggles, shaking his head. "That's fine, as long as they're happy." 

"Oh, and you say _I'm_ the one that's going to be spoiling them?" 

"Oh, yeah, you still are. Mr-I'm-Going-To-Get-Them-The-Moon-If-They-Want."

Louis's cheeks turn pink, mouth twisting into a smile. "And I stand by that. All they have to do is ask and I will." 

Harry grins softly at him. He knows Louis is going to be a great dad. Apparently their baby agrees because they give Harry a kick. Harry chuckles. "I think Tiny likes the sound of that."

Louis's eyes brighten, his hand immediately going to where Harry's is. "Yeah, angel. Gonna spoil you loads, I promise," he says, head bent down a bit. The baby gives another kick. 

Harry and Louis laugh at that. 

"God, they really are going to be spoiled rotten," Harry huffs. 

"Of course. Disciplined but spoiled," Louis says, patting his tummy lightly. 

"Don't you live in a perfect world," Harry mutters. 

Louis straightens up, much closer to Harry than Harry had anticipated. Harry sucks in a breath, their eyes locked. He swallows, watching Louis' Adams apple bob in his throat, doing the same.

"You got some paint on your nose," Louis whispers, glancing to Harry's nose. He reaches up slowly, as if he were waiting for Harry to stop him, then ever-so-softly, his thumb grazes the skin of Harry's nose. 

Harry wants to say something--- anything, but nothing comes out. 

"Oh, this looks wonderful," Anne gasps happily, stunting them out of their daze of each other. Louis' hand retracts quickly while Harry steps away, smiling at his mum. 

"You missed a fun day," Louis says, pushing his hands into his joggers. 

"Oh, I'm sure I did," she grins, coming up to Harry and kissing his cheek then doing the same to Louis.

"Did you have fun at the movies?" Harry asks her. 

"Yes, and the drinks afterwards really helped." 

"Mum," Harry scolds light-heartedly, grinning at her while Louis cackles beside him. 

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't get anything to eat though, so I'm starving. Anything cooked?"

"I'm afraid not. We just had leftover supper from last night for lunch so we didn't cook anything." 

"We can order something," Louis says, already pulling out his phone. He places a hand on Harry's waist. "What would you like, love?" 

Harry gulps, Louis' touch warm on his skin. "Anything," he replies quietly. 

Louis nods, pulling away and turning around, ordering whatever food he is while his mum gives him a look. He groans softly. 

"Not now," he says to her, voice hushed. 

"Stop delaying it," she scolds him in a whisper, "I can see the way he's looking at you now, you have to say something soon." 

Harry almost asks her what she means by 'the way he's looking at you now' but he decides against it. He doesn't want to know and make it worse. Or maybe he already knows and hearing it out loud will only make it worse. Either way, Harry just nods at her and follows her out the room.   
  


━━━━━━━  
  


"You what?" Gemma gasps, eyes wide. 

"Yeah," Harry winces, "we almost, um, kissed, I think." 

"Harry," Anne sighs, as if she's disappointed. 

"That's huge," Gemma says with a smile. 

Harry wishes he could be happy like she seems to be. 

"It is and it's not supposed to happen," Harry mumbles, sipping his tea. 

They're meeting for brunch before Harry goes for his seven-month checkup with his mum. Unfortunately, Louis can't be here for this one. He left two days ago to LA again and is only due back on Wednesday. Harry is disappointed he can't be here but he understands. He's been to every other one of them and he seemed genuinely upset to not be here for this one. 

Harry had to reassure him that it's not a big deal and it'll only be one. Besides, Louis has been spending a lot of time with him and the baby, making sure they're okay. Harry knows he's dodged one or two meetings in between for them too, so he can have a pass on this one. 

"And you still haven't spoken to him," Anne says, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"It's just--- there's no right time to do it, mum. He's busy, I'm busy and I don't want the added stress, okay?" He says defensively. 

He loves his mum but he's tired of this. He'll say something to Louis when he feels like he can. 

"It could be a good thing though," Gemma says, the wind blowing over her hair, some strands falling to her face. 

"How?" 

"You guys can work things out and be one big happy family again," she says, pulling her up into a bun. 

"I told you---"

"You don't work romantically, yeah, yeah," she rolls her eyes, "but there's no reason not to try again even though it didn't work out the first time." 

"Harry, what do you feel for him?" His mum hits him with the question. 

He inhales sharply. "I just--- I don't know. I love him, I think part of me always will and he's the father of my child, but I don't--- I'm not in love with him anymore."

"Do you have feelings for him?" Gemma asks. 

"I can't," Harry replies. 

"That's not an answer to what I asked," she raises a brow at him. 

"Regardless," his mum chimes in before he can start overthinking, "you have to decide what you want and you two need to talk about it, whether it's starting a relationship again or not." 

Harry purses his lips, looking down at the wooden table. "I know," he mutters. 

"When he gets back, before the baby comes in and makes the situation a thousand times more difficult and complicated." 

"Mum is right," Gemma says, "you don't want your baby coming into a mess." 

"Which is why I don't want us to be involved romantically again," Harry says. 

"Then I guess you better tell him, H," Gemma says, her lips pursing. 

Harry doesn't reply. Instead, he sips on the tea remaining in his cup. 

They change the subject shortly after that, talking about the baby's new nursery, Gemma's horrible boss and their mum's favourite new recipe for apple pie she'd found the other day. 

━━━━━━━  
  


Harry is munching on a bag of popcorn when Louis trudges downstairs, letting out a big yawn. 

"Why are you awake?" He asks Harry, blinking tiredly as he approaches Harry. He collapses onto the sofa next to him, body turned to face Harry. 

"Couldn't sleep," Harry shrugs, offering Louis some popcorn. 

Louis takes the bag from his hand, nose scrunching. "What is in this?" 

"Pickle juice," Harry grins. 

Louis gags in exaggeration, pushing the bag back into Harry's hand.

"It's not that bad. Just try it," Harry chuckles. 

"No, I'm fine thanks," Louis grimaces, "I hate pickles anyways."

"I know," Harry grins again, watching Louis roll his eyes and shake his head. 

"You know, you shouldn't be awake at this time. Tiny needs their sleep." 

" _Tiny_ is keeping me up," Harry mumbles. 

"What are they doing?" Louis smiles, eyes crinkling in wonder.

"Kicking up a bloody storm, that's what," Harry pokes his belly only for the baby to kick against his hand. Harry snorts, shaking his head. "This child is gonna be a proper Tomlinson. They just know how to annoy me." 

Louis laughs. "You like that they're doing that even though you're losing sleep. I know you," he says softly. 

"I do," Harry rubs his stomach, "reminds me that they're alive and safe."

"It's you, of course they're safe," Louis says, his tired eyes sparkling, almost, in the dim light. 

Harry clears his throat, looking away. "Uh, why are you awake? Did I wake you? I can put the TV softer if so, I'm sorry." 

"No, I just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep," he lies. Harry knows Louis too. He can tell when Louis is lying. And he knows that Louis can sleep through a bloody thunderstorm, so he can easily fall back asleep. 

"Oh, um, we can watch something then. If you'd like to." 

"Everything on Netflix is shit nowadays, other than the crime stuff," Louis complains.

"Not everything," Harry rolls his eyes, "you just don't give them a try."

"Fine, put on one of 'em then, let's give it a go," Louis sighs in exasperation. 

Harry picks up the remote, flicking through shows and movies. "Here, this is actually really good."

"The one with the two gay guys in their seventies?" 

Harry nods. "It's funny," he shrugs, "and one of the actresses has a name similar to yours."

"Lily Tomlin?" Louis asks dryly. 

"Yeah, that's so cool," Harry grins.

"Just put the show on," Louis sighs again, shifting closer to Harry, getting comfortable. 

Harry ignores the turmoil going on in his mind and tries to focus on the show. It's hard to when Louis is practically on top of him. Harry is intoxicated; by his smell, his laugh, his warmth--- it's so fucking much all at once. 

"Hey," Louis says in the midst of everything. 

When Harry looks at him, he's closer than Harry anticipated him to be. Again. Fucking hell. 

"Hi," Harry says shakily. 

"You okay? You haven't even laughed at their puns."

Harry smiles weakly. "Fine."

"You smell like pickle juice," Louis teases, still close to Harry's face, eyes flickering to his lips. 

Please don't. Do not do this for the love of God. 

"You--- I--- can't---"

He swallows his next words because Louis' lips graze his own and it strikes him then. He jumps into action by literally jumping away, to the other side of the sofa, popcorn falling to the floor. Louis' eyes are wide and searching.

Harry's heart is in his fucking throat. "Louis, we should talk," he manages to get out. 

Louis' shoulders sag, his eyes finally blinking. "What is it?" 

He sounds understanding and sweet and Harry really hates it because where the hell was all of this months ago? A year ago when they couldn't even sleep next to each other? 

"We can't---" Harry lets out a breath, bracing himself, "we can't go down that path again, Louis."

"What path?"

"Us," Harry says, "we can't do that again." 

"Okay," Louis licks his lips, eyebrows furrowed. Harry looks away from them. "Why not?"

"Because," Harry sighs, "because you know what happened to us the last time and--- and I'm not going to let that happen again because we have a baby to worry about now, they don't need that in their lives." 

Louis huffs, shaking his head. "I don't understand--- wouldn't it be a good thing for our baby to have both their parents be together? Because, I--- I don't know, spending time with you lately... I just... I feel like we got the spark back that we lost, you know? I'm not saying we should get married again or anything like that, I just... I don't know, there's something again, isn't there? Don't you want to try again? To find out?" 

There's so much of vulnerability in his eyes right now, Harry wants to cry. With a heavy heart, Harry shakes his head. "I can't Louis. Can you imagine us getting back together only to fall apart when our baby is older? It'll destroy them. I just--- I don't think we're meant to be together... romantically." 

Harry watches Louis visibly swallow. "So you're saying that you just want to ignore these last few months? Because I know you've felt something too. At least I--- I thought you did." 

Harry feels the lump in his throat expand. He doesn't know what to say. 

"I know I fucked up before. I do. But people make mistakes don't they?"

"They do and I fucked up too," Harry says quickly, "I think--- I think that maybe getting married, dating even, so soon might have just... not been for us? We--- we get along well when all of that is not pressuring us, you know? Maybe that's why we worked so well these past few months." 

Louis' whole face falls. "You really believe that?"

"Louis, up until a few months ago, last I checked, you did too, in case you've forgotten." 

"Maybe we did rush into everything, sure, but I never looked at us as a --- a mistake, that's basically what you're saying, isn't it? I never saw us that way I---" he sucks in a breath, "if you think of us that way, what the hell do you think about this baby?"

Harry lets a few tears fall. "I never--- I didn't say that," Harry says, knowing it's a weak argument, "and this baby... Louis, you know this was not planned--- you weren't too happy about it yourself at first."

"Because I was scared and so were you," Louis fights back, "my point is that a lot has changed during these past few months and it was starting to feel like," he sighs, "whatever--- I guess, it doesn't really matter anymore. You've clearly made up your mind about all of this." 

"I'm doing what's best for the baby, Louis--- our baby," Harry says, convincing himself in the process, "I'm not going to let them go through any of that bullshit, okay? I don't think we're meant to be together romantically and that's going to show again just like it did the first time. It's like you've forgotten how horrible it was. You were never there for me, Louis," he says, tears falling down his cheeks, "you neglected me, our marriage, our emotional connection--- everything--- and you just left when it got tougher to deal with and I'll be damned if I let them go through that too."

Louis looks at him, eyes welling up with tears. "I know, Harry and I--- I really am sorry about that. I am. I didn't think about anyone else but myself and we--- we fought so much, I didn't think there would be a point in staying and trying to fix what can't be fixed but I was wrong, clearly, I was wrong. I want us to be fixed. I want us again. I--- I've missed you so much and I never realised it until we started spending more time together these past few months."

"I'm not doing it all again, Lou," Harry says sadly, "if we don't work out this time, there's a lot more at stake." 

Louis nods, looking down at his lap. "If it weren't for Tiny, would you have given us another go?"

"If it weren't for them, you wouldn't be here, Louis." 

That seems to shake Louis, almost, from the way his face drains of colour and he blinks at Harry. 

It's the truth though. Louis wouldn't even be here if Harry wasn't pregnant. He'd be off in his new bachelor pad, doing god knows what or who, and Harry would have sold this house and moving into a new flat, maybe closer to his mum, carrying on with his life as usual because he'd already gotten used to Louis not being there anyways. 

"I'm sorry," Louis says quietly, eyes bluer than usual as they gaze at Harry, " I just--- I never thought there was an us to save anymore. Every time I tried talking to you in the beginning, you would just shut me out," he cuts himself off, shaking his head, "anyways, I am sorry. I really--- I really would have liked to try again with you," he swallows, "but I get it." 

Harry stays quiet for a bit. "I'm sorry too, for shutting you out. But I really don't think we would have worked out anyways. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else." 

Louis stares at him, his eyes searching Harry's as if he's missed something. "I don't believe that," he says quietly before getting up, "do you need anything? I'm gonna go to back to bed. I have a meeting in a few hours." 

Harry feels disappointment settle into his chest though he isn't sure why. This is what he wanted, right? He shakes his head and looks away. 

"Right. Well, goodnight then. I---I'm sorry again," he mumbles before walking away, his silhouette disappearing up the stairs. 

Harry lets out a breath, throwing his head onto the back of the couch and covers his face with his hands. He curses under his breath, letting the tears fall properly now. So much just happened, Harry doesn't even know where to start to process it all. All that sticks out to him is the way Louis' lips felt against his, even if it was only barely there.   
  


━━━━━━━  
  


The next morning, needless to say, is utterly awkward. Louis does wake up early for a meeting but Harry normally does too, to do his meditation. He goes at least fifteen minutes later than usual, hoping Louis would be gone but he's not. He's there, in a navy blue suit, hair styled up and black shiny shoes clicking on the wood as he walks. He's smiling at something Harry's mum is saying and for some reason, the sight makes Harry's stomach turn. 

He can't really slip passed them so he greets them with a soft, short, "Morning," before heading to the patio. His mum stops him just as he gets to the sliding door. He squeezes his eyes shut before turning around to face her and, unfortunately for him, Louis too. 

"Yeah?" He asks her. 

She seems a little suspicious about his tone, judging by the way her eyes narrow. "Just want to ask you if you'd like some tea."

"Oh, uh, yes please," Harry attempts at a smile. 

"Normal tea?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah," he replies, waiting for something from Louis. Louis just sips on whatever is in his own cup, pretending not to listen. Harry's heart drops in disappointment. 

Normally, he would be the first to say that Harry should be having herbal tea to help his pressure and calm his nerves. He doesn't though. Actually, from all the times he's scolded Anne and Harry, he wonders why his mum is even asking right now. She should know better. 

With a quiet sigh, he turns around and goes to the secluded area of the patio to do his meditation. He's thankful that they have this section that's closed off where they still put heating in to enjoy during the Winter time, like the days coming closer to them. Today is not too bad, thankfully but still not warm enough to actually sit outside. 

Harry can see bits and pieces from the kitchen from the secluded area, so he notices when Louis leaves, giving his mum a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing his briefcase and walking briskly towards the garage door. He didn't say goodbye to Harry. 

Harry refrains from pouting about it. He comes to say goodbye everyday, if he is still here, regardless of whether Harry is doing meditation or exercise or not. He always says goodbye. 

Unsurprisingly, Harry can't concentrate on the task at hand so with a defeated sigh, he gives up trying after ten or so minutes and heads back inside. 

"I've made your tea, you just have to warm it up," his mum says as he sits down on a stool by the island. 

"Thanks," he says, picking up his cup and heading to the microwave. 

"Finished early today?" 

"Wasn't feeling it," Harry shrugs, looking at the tea getting warmed in the microwave. 

"I see," is all she says. 

Harry grabs his tea from the microwave, taking a tentative sip of it. His eyebrows scrunch in confusion. "Uh, mum, this tastes like chamomile tea."

She rolls her eyes at him. "Of course it's chamomile tea, Harry. I'm not stupid. But it did prove my suspicions." 

"What suspicions?" Harry asks, taking a seat again. 

"You probably told him how you feel, didn't you?" 

Harry sighs. "Yeah, we had a bit of a row," he admits, "I---I kind of turned him down."

"Turned him down?"

"Yeah, he, um, wanted to try and work on things with us again but I," he shakes his head, "I said that it wouldn't be a good idea and he--- he didn't take it well, I guess."

"Oh," she says, blinking, "well, you were honest, so I suppose that's what needed to be done."

"Yeah," he mutters, unsure. 

"As long as you two work out something for that baby because you don't want things to start getting messy once the baby arrives."

"Yeah, um, I'll talk to him about it. I think... he's really upset about us but he won't--- he wouldn't let that come in the way of the baby."

Anne hums. "Well, can I ask you something?"

Harry nods. 

"Why do you think it wouldn't be a good idea?"

Harry sighs again. "Mum, if we try again and it doesn't work out, we have a baby in the middle of it all this time 'round. It's not easy and I don't want us to make any decisions based on the fact that we have a baby together."

"Well, I think I can understand where you're coming from."

"Really?" He asks, hope blooming in his chest. 

"Yes, I do. It's not just you and him in the equation anymore, there's a baby there too. And you don't want to risk anything happening."

Harry nods vigorously. "Exactly," he says. 

"But, sweetie, you know it could work out too?"

"It won't," he says, determined, "mum, we're not compatible romantically. These past few months we've just been friends and it's already felt so much better." 

She purses her lips, like she wants to say something else but refrains from doing so. 

"So, you're not giving it a go because you don't want to take the risk and get your heart broken again or because you don't think you two work romantically?"

Harry fish-mouths for an answers. "Both," he finally answers, "even if we could work out romantically, I'm not willing to take a risk."

She purses her lips again in the same manner. "Well, as long as you two come to an agreement that doesn't result in an outcome that was this morning."

"What gave it away?" Harry asks curiously. 

"He wasn't doting over you, for one; he normally talks to the baby every morning, and he didn't make you any breakfast," she says with an apologetic smiles, "and I tried the tea thing to see if I was right and..."

"He didn't really care, right," Harry sips his tea, leaning forward. 

"As long as you feel like you've made the right decision and you two work out something, I think everything will be fine."

Harry snorts. "How can you say that after what you just witnessed?"

"Because, you two are adults," she emphasises, "he's just sad that you two won't be working things but I'm sure he won't let that get in the way of anything, like you said. Give him and yourself some time, yeah?"

Harry nods. He supposes she's right. Maybe they both just need some time, recollect their thoughts and talk again, come to an agreement where it doesn't have to awkward or tense between them. That definitely won't be good for the baby.   
  


━━━━━━━  
  


Harry is running out of things to do or say now. It's been two weeks since their awkward discussion of sorts and Louis hasn't really spoken to him. He's not even giving Harry a cold shoulder or anything like that, no, Harry might have preferred that actually, he's still attentive to what Harry needs, so long as it's for the baby, or 'Tiny', as he says. 

It's maddening. He should probably say something about it now but he just can't find himself doing it. Every time he tries, he feels himself getting all panicky and then he chickens out. So, he's leaving it be and it's killing him slowly. 

His mum has been scolding him about it, Gemma has and Niall too. He can't fucking catch a break. They pushed him to talk to Louis about things and now look at them, now he has to do a whole fucking other talk because it's gotten so awkward between them. 

It doesn't really help that he's getting closer to the end of his pregnancy now; just two more weeks or so until he's officially eight months pregnant. That is the only thing keeping him sane right now, the fact that he's going to meet his little baby in just over a month. December 29th, Dr. Paisley said is their due date. 

Though she also said to expect them any time from the 20th onwards because due dates are hardly ever accurate anyways. 'Your baby will come when they want to come', she said to Harry. 

Harry briefly wonders if it's possible that the baby will share a birthday with Louis. As horrible as it might sound, he really hopes not. Only because getting them both Christmas and birthday gifts will leave him broke. Not to mention buying for his friends and the rest of his family too. 

Birth date aside, Harry needs to talk to Louis soon, he knows this. 

He blinks at his computer, eyes focusing and unfocusing. 

"Harry?" One of his co-workers asks, "Harry, are you okay?"

Harry straightens up on his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Water," he manages to croak out. 

His co-worker-- Harry thinks her name might Janet--- nods and with that she's off and Harry's vision go haywire again. A glass of water is placed into one of his hands that he grasps tightly out of habit before he swallows some of it down. He practices his breathing next, placing the glass down on the side of his desk. 

"Harry?" Janet asks, tone concerned. 

"I'm okay," he breathes out, taking deep breaths, "'m fine."

"Are--- are you sure? Do you need me to call someone? An ambulance, maybe?" 

"No," he sits up a little better, "no, I just--- I had a moment, it's okay, I'm fine now."

"If you say so," she bites her lip, looking dubiously at Harry. 

"I'm fine, really. Thank you," he says to her, before grabbing the glass of water and finishing the rest. 

"O...kay, um, hope you're all right then," she murmurs before turning around and walking away, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as she does. 

Harry shakes his head. He seriously need to fucking get his shit together.   
  


━━━━━━━  
  


His eight month checkup is tomorrow and he needs to ask Louis if he's going to come with so Harry figures this would be the best time to talk to Louis. Plus, this is one of the few times Louis is home early and _stays_ home. He's come home some days only to leave an hour or two later and then Harry doesn't hear him come home again, at least not while he's awake. 

Harry knocks on Louis' bedroom door, reminding him of when he was in the exact same situation only a few months prior. Louis is removing his tie when he meets Harry's gaze. 

"Uh, sorry, I just--- I wanted to talk to you about something. If that's okay?"

"Uh, yeah," Louis huffs, throwing his tie onto the bed, "you can come in, I just wanted to freshen up a bit, if you don't mind."

"No, that's alright," Harry gives him a small smile before walking in and sitting down at the foot of the bed. 

"Great, I'm going to wash up but you can still talk to me," he says, heading to the ensuite bathroom. 

"Oh, uh, okay," Harry watches him walk, the door opened as he stands by the sink. He looks at Harry through the mirror on the bathroom wall. 

"I--- um, tomorrow, is... it's, um, it's the baby's next appointment."

"Yeah, you told me," Louis mumbles, pulling out a toothbrush. 

"Yeah, but, uh, are you going to come with or?"

"Yeah, I will," Louis nods, placing the brush into his mouth, "that all?" 

"Oh, uh," Harry starts but is interrupted by Louis' phone vibrating continuously on the bed. Harry glances at Louis to see the water running as he brushes his teeth so he must not hear it. He makes a mental note to scold Louis for wasting water after he's done. 

Harry frowns when his phone rings again. Mindlessly, he picks it up to see who just as the phonecall ends. The phonecall is from some Charlie person, followed by two texts from them too that Harry sees as a notification. 

_Great time last night._

Is the first one. 

_Sorry for calling so much..._

Then it cuts off. Harry, letting his curiosity get the best of him, unlocks Louis' phone, thankful that his password is still the same, and reads the last one properly. 

_Sorry for calling so much I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out again some time? Give me a call or a text and let me know ;)_

Harry grimaces, feeling his stomach tighten and heart clench. Did Louis--- did he go out on a date? Or, perhaps something more than just a date. 

He hears the water shut off and he quickly disposes of Louis' phone, carelessly throwing it to the side and swallowing the lump in his throat. Louis pads out of the bathroom and to Harry which is when Harry stands up. 

"Is that all you wanted to ask?" Louis asks him. 

Harry nods, avoiding eye contact. "It's at four so I'll see you at four tomorrow," he says before walking passed Louis and out of the room quickly. 

He shuts his room door and leans against it, sniffing back tears. Louis fucking went on a date with some Charlie person. What the fuck? Who the hell is Charlie and where did they meet? Why is he going out with them when only a month ago, he was admitting to Harry that he wanted to try again with him?

God, and why is this affecting Harry as much as it is? He's the one who turned Louis down. He knows he technically has no right to be mad at Louis for going out with someone else because they're not together anymore, by January, it'll be over a year that they haven't officially been together.

But still. They're having a baby together for God's sake. Could he not at least fucking wait a while? Would it have really killed him to wait? And what about everything he said to Harry? It just makes all of that seem less genuine if only a month later he's going out with someone else.

Harry's brain hurts thinking about it. He can't think about it. He doesn't need the added stress right now. Tomorrow marks eight months exactly and he needs to keep this up for one more month, for his baby's sake.

With a heavy heart, Harry goes to bed, trying to force himself to sleep and shut his mind off. 

When he wakes up the next morning, it's at half five. It's way too early and way too cold outside. But he knows he's not going to fall back asleep now.

Events from last night come back to him then and he knows he _definitely_ can't fall back asleep now. He pushed the duvet off of him, deciding to make himself some tea or hot chocolate and maybe watch something on TV. It's Saturday after all. He can finally relax.

He walks quietly down the stairs and to the kitchen where he puts some water to boil. As he's getting out a cup, he spots Louis walking down the stairs too, already dressed up to go somewhere.

It could be to work but Harry isn't too sure anymore. He swallows, looking down and placing a teabag into his mug.

"Morning," he greets Louis off-handedly, glancing up at him, "tea?"

"I'm fine, thanks," Louis mumbles, "you're up early."

"Couldn't sleep," Harry shrugs, "so are you."

"Need to head out. Will be back in a few," he explains, "so, care to tell me why you were snooping through my phone last night?"

Harry sighs. Okay, right to it then.

"I didn't mean to--- it was just a habit. I--- who's Charlie?" He asks bravely, looking up at Louis.

"That's not really any of your business, is it?" Louis replies, his tone cold.

Harry gulps. "It is actually, because you're going to be part of the baby's life and--- and I need to know what's going on in yours subsequently."

Louis rolls his eyes, letting out a tired sigh. He shakes his head then let's out a low, humourless laugh. "If there's anything worth telling you, you'll know. Right now, I don't need to explain myself to you."

"You do," Harry insists, watching Louis grab a cup from the cabinet.

"Why?" Louis raises an eyebrow at him.

"Because--- because you're the one who was telling me--- _asking_ me--- to try again only a month ago and now---now you're what? Going out with someone else? Just like that?"

Louis bangs his mug down onto the counter, nostrils flaring. "Don't throw that back in my face, Harry. You made it perfectly clear how you feel about everything--- about us--- you have no right doing this. What do you expect me to do?"

"I expect you to be there, Louis. I want you to be there for the baby and I and--- and you're not going to if you're off seeing some other guy," he's spewing out bullshit by now, he knows it. But he's desperate somehow and he's not even sure for what at this point. He just knows he wants Louis _here_. And present.

"I will be here for my baby. You don't need to worry about that. What goes in my personal life otherwise has nothing to do with you anymore," he says, voice low but shaking with anger and frustration.

Harry swallows the lump in his throat. "It does because you're going to be part of the baby's life too," he argues weakly.

"And I told you, I'll tell you when there's something worth telling but right now, there isn't, and you had no right snooping through my stuff like that."

"It was a mistake, okay? I just--- I can't fucking believe you," Harry says shakily, "one minute you want to be with me and the next you're out with some other person, fucking them, dating them--- I don't even know. It makes all of what you said to me just--- just seem like lies."

Louis gives him a cold look. "You think everything I said to you was a lie?" He repeats in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Well, can you blame me?" Harry bites back, refusing to cry.

"Pray tell, Harry, what the fuck do you want me to do then? Do you want me pining over you like an idiot when you don't even think we're compatible in the first place? Is that what you want?"

Harry struggles to find the right words. "N-no but I didn't expect you to go and find someone else so soon."

"I didn't find someone else for fucks sake," he huffs, rubbing his hand over his face, "and even if I do right now it doesn't fucking concern you so get over it."

Harry is taken aback by his words. It's all too familiar then; the way they're yelling and screaming and fighting--- this is just like how it was before they'd gotten divorced and they couldn't stand each other. This is exactly what Harry wanted to avoid.

"See, this right here is why we'd never work," Harry says sadly, "you're a selfish person, Louis. And you're spiteful. I--- I don't want to raise a baby with someone like that."

Louis blinks at him, his jaw clenching. "You did not just fucking say that to me," he says, voice shaking, "I can't believe--- _me_? I'm the one that's selfish? Did you not comprehend the past month? Or, well, the last year and half of us?"

Harry's breathing grows heavier, chest heaving. "Fuck off, honestly. You cannot sit and tell me that you want to be with me again and then go out with someone else, Louis. How the hell am I ever supposed to believe the shit you say when you do shit like this just because things don't go way? We--- _I_ \--- have a baby to think about too, Louis. I'm not bringing them into this, do you understand me?"

"This? What is this, exactly? Because you're the one who picked this fight, Harry. Nothing I do in my personal life concerns you anymore and if you'd understand that, there wouldn't be a problem but of course, you're only thinking about yourself. Don't bring the baby bullshit into this. You and I both know you'll do what's best for you and you only. You don't give a fuck about anyone else."

Harry let's his vision get blurry. "How can you say that, Louis? I'm going to be a fucking father and so are you! If I really was thinking about myself only, I wouldn't fucking be here having this baby."

He sucks in a dose of air after the words leave his mouth. Then there's silence. Louis is looking at him like he can't believe Harry said those words. Harry can't quite believe it himself.

Louis nods shortly. "Please, don't ever do anything that self-sacrificial on my account again," he laughs again, the sound hollow, "you--- I can't fucking believe you said that."

"I didn't mean it," Harry winces, "I'm just--- I don't know."

"Well, let me know when you fucking figure it out," Louis says, pushing his mug away and walking out of the kitchen, grabbing the car keys from the bowl and slamming the garage door shut. Harry jumps a bit at the sound.

Harry leans against the counter, trying to control his breathing as tears fall down his cheeks but it's ultimately futile. He sobs in his kitchen, his head feeling light and feet feeling numb.

"Harry? Love, what happened? Are you alright?" He hears his mum's voice from his right.

He shakes his head and then he's being pulled in for a hug that he grips onto tightly, sobbing into her shoulder.

"I heard a ruckus," she informs him, "I'm sorry, sweetie. It's okay. Hey, it's fine."

Harry pulls away, his sobbing subsiding but his head feeling lighter. "I--- I need to shower," he whimpers, rubbing his temples, "I'm not--- I have to shower."

"Are you sure? You look a bit red."

"Feeling sticky and I need to clear my mind for a bit--- calm myself down."

"Alright," she agrees reluctantly, "just--- don't be too long, okay? Come back down and we can talk."

Harry nods absent-mindedly, walking out of her embrace and to his room, up the stairs. He feels numb as he turns out the shower. He runs a hand down his growing belly and let's out another round of tears.

He can't believe--- he'd never change a thing. He's not just having this baby for Louis' sake. God no. He loves them so damn much already. He was prepared to do it all _without_ Louis. He was just so angry and _hurt_. He didn't know what the hell he was saying.

His mind is reeling and he can't keep up. When he looks up from his belly, he sees spots in his vision. He feels what he felt the other day at his office. His mind goes all fuzzy as well as his vision.

Harry calls out for his mum weakly, hoping she hears him. Before he knows it, his vision is going black completely and he feels his legs giving out.

After that, all he can see are flashes. Flashes of his mum's panicked face, tapping his cheeks, her cheeks wet, talking to someone on her phone with shaky hands and there's someone else's voice for a bit. He wants to move and say something--- stop her worrying--- but he can't. He feels like his muscles are spasming and then everything is black again.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? 
> 
> Let me know in the comments and kudos are always appreciated! :)


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is like the last chapter but I want to add an epilogue of sorts because I feel like they need more closure, more of a fluffy ending, all that. 
> 
> So, there's going to be one last one chapter but this is technically the last one? The next one will just be a bit more of an elaborate, cute ending :) 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Harry's vision is obstructed by a bright light when he tries to open his eyes. His throat feels dry and there's a stinging sensation on his lower half, not to mention a pounding headache. He blinks a few time, trying to adjust to the light before finally opening his eyes.

"Harry?"

Harry turns his head to the side, seeing Louis' face scrunch up in worry. Then everything comes back to him all at once and he's shooting up, panicked. He remembers fighting with Louis, Louis walking out, crying to his mum and then--- he wanted to shower but he--

He looks down on instinct, his panic increasing because he doesn't feel any movement in his tummy and it looks slightly smaller and oh my god, he's in a hospital.

"Hey, calm down," Louis says, moving closer to him until his hand is over Harry's arm.

"The---the baby--" he manages to croak out, tears welling up in his eyes.

"She's fine, love. She's okay. She's just in an incubator at the moment because she's really small but she's okay," he smiles, eyes watery.

"We have a girl? We have a baby girl?" Harry asks, relieved, ecstatic and still worried all at once.

"Yeah," Louis smiles, "yeah we have a baby girl."

Harry doesn't think when he scrambles to Louis and Louis meets him halfway, giving him a tight hug, arms wrapping around Harry while Harry cries softly into his shirt.

"It's okay. She's okay. Fuck, you scared the shit out of me," Louis breathes out, the warm air hitting the top of his head.

"Sorry," Harry mumbles, pulling away from Louis and wiping his eyes, "when can I see her, Lou? I want to see her."

"I know, love. We'll just wait for the doctor and see what she says, that okay?"

Harry nods, fingers itching to hold his baby. His baby girl. Holy shit they have a baby girl.

"Hey, do you remember what happened?" Louis asks him, tucking a piece of hair behind Harry's ear. Harry feels his tummy turn. It's like their fight never happened.

Harry nods. "I remember going to have a shower after you left. I felt--- I felt really off and then I just felt my legs give out and I collapsed. I just remember seeing some of mum before I woke up here."

"Harry, you were convulsing on the bathroom floor," Louis reveals, causing Harry to shiver, "Anne called me when she saw you and lucky I wasn't too far away. When I came in, you just stopped and then you were unconscious and holy fuck I --- I had no idea what to do then your mum called an ambulance and they had to do an emergency C-section because your pressure was too high and it was putting the baby and you at risk."

"That's why she's here with us so early," Harry says quietly, comprehending everything, "god, I--- I'm so sorry. Fuck, I was supposed to look after her and now she---"

"She's fine," Louis insists.

"Have you seen her?" Harry asks, the yearning in his heart growing stronger.

"Yeah, I did," Louis grins widely, "she's so fucking perfect and she really is tiny."

They both laugh a little at that.

"I'm really sorry about what happened," Louis sighs, "you got all stressed out because of it and I never meant to do that. I'm so sorry, Harry."

Harry sighs too. "Let's not talk about that right now. I just--- I just wanna see our baby, Lou."

Louis nods, grabbing his hand and giving it a small squeeze.

"Harry," Anne lets out a sigh of relief, walking into the room, her hair all over the place and still in her slippers, "oh, you're okay, sweetie."

She hugs him close, kissing his head. "You gave us such a scare, darling."

Harry pulls away. "I know I'm sorry. Louis told me what happened," he says quietly, "but, mum, I have a baby now," he smiles slowly, eyes welling up with tears again.

"Oh, I know, sweetheart. She's so gorgeous. Very small but so lovely," she grins, looking like she's going to cry too.

"You saw her too?" Harry asks in a whine.

"Yeah, of course I had to."

"I want to see her," Harry says petulantly.

"I'll go see if I can find Dr. Paisley while I get some coffee. Do you want any?" Louis asks.

"I'm good," Anne says.

Louis nods. "I'll be back soon, yeah?"

Harry nods this time, watching him turn around and walk out of the room. He turns to his mum immediately. "What time is it now? What time was she born? What did the doctor say?"

Anne chuckles. "Calm down, love. It's around three in the afternoon now and she was born at around half seven in the morning. You can ask the doctor anything else you want to know, okay?"

Harry nods, forcing his mouth shut.

"You really gave us a scare, love," Anne say, brushing away some strands of hair from his face, "how are you feeling now?"

"Head is aching, my lower stomach area is burning and I'm feeling a little nausea but all I really care about is seeing my baby."

"I know, sweetie. Soon, okay? We're just waiting for the doctor, that's all."

Within a few minutes, Dr. Paisley trudges in behind Louis, passing Harry a smile, tilting her head. "Hi, Harry. How are you feeling?"

"Hi," he lets out a breath and repeats what he'd just told his mother.

"That's normal and don't worry, we're gonna take you to her we just need to run a few routine tests and I need to ask you a few questions and then you can meet her."

Harry nods, adjusting himself on the bed, eager to see his daughter.

"Now do you remember what happened, Harry?" She asks him.

"I remember some of it. Mum and Louis told me the rest. Apparently I went unconscious and next thing I know I wake up here."

"Okay," she steps closer, holding the rail at the foot of his bed, "so what happened is that you had a seizure because your blood pressure was sky rocketing," she explains.

Harry sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He thought as much--- that it had something to do with his pressure. But he'd been so careful. He doesn't get it.

"And because of that, you and the baby were under an immense amount of stress so we had to perform an emergency c-section. You're both very lucky to be alive right now, Mr. Styles."

Harry lets out a shaky breath. "I--- I'm so sorry," he apologises, "I really tried everything I could and I don't know what happened."

"It's okay, I understand. Sometimes we can do a million things right and the one thing we do incorrectly throws us off the wagon. Your mum did say that you were under a lot of stress recently though."

He glances at his mum who shrugs. She isn't wrong so he nods. "Yeah, I just--- I didn't think this would happen."

"Well, whatever it was, you're fine now and your baby is too."

"Is she?" He asks, just to be sure. His fingers play with the material of the blanket as he waits for an answer.

"She's doing really well for being a month premature. A little bit of trouble breathing which is totally normal for prem babies--- but other than that, she's a very healthy baby. Weighing only 4.3 pounds. A tiny little fighter."

Harry laughs a little wetly. "She's really small, wow."

"She is. I'm just going to ask you a few more questions and a nurse will come in to do a few tests then you can go and see her, okay?"

"Okay."

He's only being wheeled to see his daughter about forty minutes later (yes, he counted, he's impatient) with Louis by his side. When he's wheeled into the small room, there's a nurse present and a small cot in the middle with his baby--- _his baby_ \--- in it. He gasps, almost in awe, because she's here. She's finally here. Holy shit.

"Louis," he calls out weakly, "Louis take me closer."

Louis obliges pushing the chair closer.

"She's just been fed," the nurse explains, "you can put your finger in the hole there and see if she grabs it."

Harry is happy to comply, pushing his pointer finger in and touching the soft skin of his baby's palm before she grasps it tightly. It's barely covering the top half of his finger but she's holding it so tightly, her chest moving up and down to show him that she's alive and she's here and Harry has never felt love this strongly before.

"Hey, Tiny," he says to her, a little white hat on her head, "I'm your dad--- one of them," he chuckles then looks up at Louis who's looking at her with tears in his eyes. "Do you want to hold her hand? Or, well, let her hold yours."

Louis nods eagerly. Harry moves away a little, making space for Louis. Reluctantly, he pulls his finger away. Louis bends down and sticks his own finger in, their daughter grabbing it tightly like she did with Harry's. God, their daughter. They have a daughter together.

"So soft," Louis chokes out, making Harry and the nurse chuckle. "She's so beautiful."

Harry peeps inside again, watching her turn her head bit. She really is beautiful, even with her eyes shut, Harry can tell that she's a split image of Louis.

"She really is," he says, wiping the underneath of his eyes, "I can't believe she's here."

They don't stay for too long because Louis has to leave so he wheels Harry back to the room, a nurse by their side to guide them. The hospital is huge after all.

"God, everything has been so crazy," Harry says as Louis and the nurse help him get back onto the bed.

"Yeah," Louis agrees, fluffing his pillow and tucking him in, "you're--- god, it's fucking crazy. You're alive and she's okay. And we're, yeah, we're here, aren't we?"

"Excellent observation," Harry says dryly.

Louis chuckles, shaking his head. "So, what did you think?"

"Of our daughter? She's brilliant. She's--- she's really cute and she looks just like you already."

"Your mum said the same thing," Louis giggles then he turns serious just as the nurse leaves the room. "Listen, I really am fucking sorry about earlier. This--- this wouldn't have happened if we hadn't---"

"It's fine," Harry cuts him off. He doesn't want to hear it anymore if he's being honest. He can't deal with it. If they talk about it, he'll think about it and then he'll think about _what_ they were fighting about and it'll just make everything worse, basically.

Louis looks like he wants to argue but he must notice something on Harry's face that gives away how much he doesn't want to deal with this right now because he nods shortly and looks away.

"Okay, I'll, um, I'll be back in the morning then," Louis says, stepping back a little, "do you want me to bring anything for you?"

Harry hums in thought. "Nothing I can think of, no," he shakes his head, "just, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Right," Louis mumbles. Right before he turns around, he looks at Harry again. "Congratulations, by the way."

Harry grins. "Yeah, thanks. And hey, you too, I suppose."

"Thank you," Louis grins back at him before he's backing away and leaving Harry with a short salute.

Harry sighs once he's gone. He's so fucking tired and he's sore, and he still can't believe he's a fucking dad already---- he's overwhelmed but somehow, remembering his daughter's face makes it all seem better.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

On the fourth day that Harry is in hospital, he gets to hold his daughter properly. He's still in a wheelchair cos his lower half fucking aches still but it's all worth it once she's in his arms.

She's as light as a feather and she whimpers a bit, the tubes over her face still jarring to Harry. He tears up as he gazes down at her.

"Hey, love," Harry says to her, "you are so frickin cute do you know that?"

Louis chuckles next to him, running a careful hand over her much-too-big beanie on her head and placing a light kiss there.

"I love you so much," Harry tells her quietly. As if she hears him properly, she slowly blinks up at him, her eyes a deep blue.

Harry's grins grows wider. "Oh, hi, darling," he runs his fingers over her soft cheek, "hello, it's so nice to meet you."

Louis can't take his eyes off her, Harry notices. He smiles a little at that.

"Do you want to hold her?" He asks Louis.

Louis nods instantly. Right before Harry passes her to Louis, he turns to the nurse. "I heard the skin-on-skin contact, like, helps. So can I try it?"

"You can unbutton or take off your shirt and hold her against you, yes," the nurse--- Jackie, as Harry has learnt--- nods.

Louis unbuttons the first few buttons on his dress shirt before carefully taking their baby girl from Harry's arms and into his, the nurse aiding them a bit.

He let's out a short, wet laugh, almost as if he's in awe. It reminds Harry of when he'd first felt her kick, only times ten now. That seems like ages ago.

"You really are gorgeous, aren't you?" He asks her, running his finger down her lips.

He shifts her closer, maneuvering her until her head is resting over his collarbone. Harry almost scolds him, to tell him to be careful but catches himself before he does. Louis knows what he's doing.

She's handed back to Harry after a few minutes and he just--- he can't stop staring at her either.

"Do we have a name for her yet? We've just been calling her Baby Styles these past few days."

Harry bites his lip, looking at Louis. They haven't really discussed names. Harry assumed he'd do it closer to the time but, well...

"Um, not really? I'm sorry."

"That's fine. Just let us know when you do," she smiles reassuringly, "she'll just continue being Baby Styles for now."

"Tomlinson-Styles," Harry amends softly.

"Really?" Louis asks next to him, tone surprised.

Harry nods, slightly flushed. "She's ours," he says.

"Tomlinson-Styles it is then," Jackie nods.

"Thank you," Louis tells him, sounding sincere.

Harry simply gives him a small smile in return.

Unfortunately, after some time, his baby gets taken away from him and put back into the little clear cot of hers. Harry hates seeing her like this but he knows it's helping her. Their strong little girl, he thinks with a smile.

"Um, how long will she be in here, do you think?" Louis asks Jackie.

"A few weeks," Jackie says, looking a little apologetic, "could be a month but she's doing really well so I'd say about two and a half weeks or so."

"Okay," Louis exhales.

"I'll be going home without her," Harry realises with a pout.

Dr. Paisley told him that he can officially be discharged by the end of the week because they still need to monitor him and make sure he's okay before he goes back home. 

"She'll be with you before you know it," Jackie says. 

Harry hopes she's right. As it is, when he's only a few doors away here, he aches because of how much he misses her. Harry and Louis leave their daughter, sulking their way back to Harry's hospital room. This time, Harry manages to get onto the bed with minimal help only from Louis. 

Once the nurse leaves the room, Louis sits at Harry's side. "I have to leave in a few but I was thinking, um, maybe we should discuss names?" 

"Yeah, I have a few I put on my notes," he reaches into the nightstand drawer next to his bed and pulls out his phone. 

"Oh, me too," Louis says, pulling out his phone too, "do you want to compare lists? See which names we agree on? We don't have to agree on one now, of course."

"No, I know," Harry says, "we can look at them together--- come closer."

Louis obliges, moving his chair closer but then opting to stand up, placing his phone in Harry's hand. "There's some boys, some girls, some... just names." 

"Yeah, same here," Harry mumbles, looking at their list side-by-side. 

Louis' list is a little shorter than Harry's, which is unsurprising because Harry has always been indecisive. Some of Louis' chosen names are nice, others... aren't. On the one side, they both have Parker which Harry smiles about and then, they both happen to look at the other name they have in common. 

"Ava," they say in unison, looking at each other. 

Louis smiles at him. "So, what do you say then? Ava?" 

"Ava Tomlinson-Styles," Harry rolls the name off his tongue and nods in approval, "sounds good, I think I like it." 

"Okay, well, we'll tell Jackie tomorrow then," Louis says, taking his phone back, "and, um, thanks again for letting her have my surname too. It --- it means a lot to me."

"Yeah, like I said, she's ours."

And that is the truth. She deserves to have part of both of them. Even if Harry isn't a Tomlinson anymore, she still is. 

"Well, thank you. You didn't have to." 

Harry doesn't know what else to say so he just gives Louis a smile again. It's tense between them again, unsurprisingly. Harry just isn't sure if it's fixable this time. He doesn't allow himself to think about too much either because it's just an unnecessary worry right now. His number one priority is to get his daughter home, safe and healthy. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Ava is unfortunately still in hospital when Louis' birthday and Christmas time come around. Harry has been home for about two and a half weeks now and he's been resting most of the time. His whole body still feels sore and exhausted. As bad as it is, he does get to avoid Louis as much as possible though, which is a good thing. He comes in every now and then to check on Harry, bring him something to drink or eat and to take them to the hospital to see Ava, but that's about it. 

They don't talk unless it's really necessary, like about Ava, and Harry prefers it that way. All he needs is his daughter and Louis can go off gallivanting with Charlie as much as he wants to. Harry doesn't care. He doesn't want to fight it anymore. He has to make peace with it so that's exactly what he'll do. They can still be parents to Ava and not talk to each other much, right? They're already only talking when it involves her so why can't it be that way in the long run too?

Anyways, he doesn't dwell on it much. 

They go to the hospital on Christmas Eve to spend Louis' birthday with her. Gemma visited her niece on her birthday too, while Harry was still in hospital too. Harry was quick to point out that she was wrong this time and that she has a little niece instead of a nephew that she was so sure of. She brushed it off though, choosing to coo at her little niece instead. 

She offered to come over tomorrow for Christmas too, so that they can spend it together which Harry is thankful for. At least it won't be too awkward. Louis' sisters also came to visit on Gemma's birthday for the first time. They were full of tears, seeing Ava. Harry couldn't stop smiling because this baby is already so loved. 

The nurses wish Louis as they get Ava out for him to hold. She's not on her tubes anymore, luckily. They'd taken it out about five days ago. Harry gets to see her cute little button nose even better now. 

"So," Jackie says, once Ava is secure in Louis' arms, her head resting over his chest while he rubs her back. 

"So?" Harry asks, placing a kiss on Ava's head and smiling down at her even though she's half asleep. She's gotten so big already, it's insane. She's healthier now, face a little fuller and eyes a little bluer. 

"I have some good news for you gentlemen," she grins widely. 

"Yeah?" Harry prompts hopefully. 

"So, we spoke to Dr. Paisley and she said that it's okay for you to take little Ava home tomorrow." 

"What? Are you serious?" Louis asks, a smile spreading across his features. 

"Oh my god," Harry breathes out happily when she nods. Harry looks at Ava again. "Hear that, bub? You're finally coming home with us." 

She doesn't reply, obviously, but Harry would like to think that her little squirm meant that she's happy to come home with her daddies.

"Oh my god," Louis breathes out like Harry did, looking down at her, "can't wait to show you your room, Angel." He places a kiss on her tiny little head.

She has quite light hair, not blonde but a light sort of brown. And her eyes are definitely blue. Harry hopes they stay blue even though he wouldn't mind, he just thinks she suits the blue. She's so bloody gorgeous, in conclusion. Harry loves her entirely.

"We'll leave you be for a moment. You two will just have to sign some papers and she'll be all yours, Yeah?"

"Thank you," Harry nods. She smiles and walks out of the room, leaving the three alone.

Harry glances up at Louis. "Best birthday present, huh?"

"Yeah," Louis whispers, but there's a sad smile on his face.

"What is It?" Harry asks curiously.

"I'm happy she's coming home. I really am. I just... I miss mum a lot. I wish she was here to see her first grandbaby."

Harry feels a pang in his chest. "Wish Robin was here too but--- but I'm sure they're looking down and smiling at her. Jay is probably really happy that her first grandchild looks like you," he chuckles.

Louis smiles, rubbing little Ava's back. "Yeah, she would be," he says, "you know, she has a little dimple though."

"Yeah, I saw when I was feeding her the other day," Harry admits, running his hand over her head softly, "at least she has something of mine."

"She has your strength too," Louis says, causing Harry's heart to clench, "I can see that already."

"Thank you," Harry says softly. He's still--- he's mad, he thinks. He's mad about a lot that's happened between them. At Louis for fighting with him, for going out on a date, at himself for not listening, for not taking better care of Ava, for letting his relationship with Louis get so carried away.

Harry is just so damn confused. If he thinks about it too much, he's going to go insane. So, he's focusing on his daughter because that's all he can do right now. And she needs him--- them.

"Happy birthday, Louis," Harry says after a moment of silence, realising he hasn't wished Louis. They were in a rush and he met Louis in the car before going to hospital.

"Thanks," Louis grins at him, "was wondering if you wouldn't wish me because you were holding a grudge against me or something," he chuckles.

"I wouldn't do that," Harry mumbles, slightly offended, "mind has just been really occupied lately. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I get it," Louis mutters, looking at Ava lovingly, "god, she's amazing."

"She is. Can I hold her?" Harry asks, making grabby hands at her.

"Yeah," Louis maneuvers her carefully until she's in Harry's arms.

Harry will never get used to holding his daughter so close to him. It's crazy how one minute she was _inside_ of him and now, she's here, all tiny and cute and warm.

"Do we have everything ready for her to come tomorrow?" Louis asks, fiddling with the cap on her head to make sure it's on properly.

"Yeah, it's been ready for a while," Harry says, "can't wait to take her home."

Louis smiles back at him.

They leave after signing a few forms and making sure they have everything prepared to take Ava home tomorrow.

Harry is a little pouty on the way home which doesn't go unnoticed by Louis. He stops Harry just before they go inside.

"Are you okay?" Louis asks him.

"Yeah, just hate leaving her," Harry mumbles.

"I know, I hate it too," Louis sighs, "but honestly, this has been the best birthday because we get to bring her home tomorrow."

"She'll be with us for Christmas," Harry smiles before opening the door and heading inside.

"How's my grandbaby?" Anne asks immediately.

"She's fine. She's already growing up so much I hate it," Louis pouts.

"Well, that's what she's meant to do," Anne says, ruffling his hair and giving Harry a kiss on his cheek.

"She's healthy," Harry says, pulling off his coat, "and she's moving much more too."

"Yeah, she is. And she's looking at us," Louis says with a big grin on his face. 

"Oh, and she's coming home with us tomorrow," Harry adds excitedly. 

Anne's face lights up. "Oh, that's wonderful. She'll be spending her first Christmas with us at her home."

Harry grins happily. "I know we're really excited."

"Yeah, I was telling Harry that it's probably the best birthday present I could have asked for." 

"Oh, speaking of," Anne reaches for Louis' hand and pulls him to the kitchen. 

"What are you doing?" Louis asks her, eyebrows furrowed.

His mum lets go of his hand and opens up the oven, pulling out a small cake, covered in white icing and multi-coloured stars. 

"Happy birthday," she says, "just a small little thing for you birthday."

"Oh my god," Louis looks so touched by it, hugging Anne tightly. She hugs back just as tightly. Harry smiles. He didn't know his mum was getting a cake but he's glad she did. They've been so busy with other things, between Ava, work and their personal issues that are still laying unresolved between them, Harry is sure Louis didn't even have a chance to celebrate his birthday in any way. Hell, Harry had forgotten to even wish him until they got to the hospital. The thought was there. He realised it's Louis' birthday. But for some reason, he completely forgot to wish him straight away. 

"Thanks, Harry," Louis says, snapping Harry out of his thoughts. 

Harry doesn't have the heart to tell him that he didn't have any involvement in that whatsoever. He purses his lips into a smile instead. He feels guilty for not... well, he's not entirely sure why he's feeling guilty. Last year, this time, they were already separated and spending the holidays with their families. He didn't even wish Louis for his birthday last year. Come to think of it, Louis didn't wish Harry for his birthday either only for them to end up sleeping together a few weeks later. Wow. They've come a really long way. Somewhat. 

In a way, they have. They learnt to get along again for a bit... until Harry went and screwed it up. Kind of. Then Louis made it worse. Then Harry almost died. He didn't. But he ended up having their baby instead. 

Fuck, what a rollercoaster. As happy as Harry is that Ava is coming home, he can't help but be scared of what their future holds. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

On Christmas day, they come home with a sleeping Ava in their arms. All of their family decided to join them today for a Christmas lunch and to see the new edition to the family again, this time at her home. Harry doesn't really want to let her go easily, whenever someone else asks to hold her but he has to. Well, he doesn't _have to_ , but it's like, a polite thing to do, maybe? 

She's wide awake once they decide to start eating but Harry is more than okay with sitting to the side and feeding her instead. He smiles down at her, watching her suckle on the nipple of the bottle, eyes staring at Harry. God, Harry is so full of love, he might burst. 

She hasn't been too fussy, thankfully, but Harry isn't surprised because during the past month, almost, she hasn't been a fussy baby. She's still kind of tiny though. Harry wants to hold her close to his chest and protect her forever. 

"Hey, you. Are you getting sleepy already?" He teases her, giving her a sweet eskimo kiss. Sure enough, her eyes are drifting opened and closed as she finishes the bottle. 

There's a bit of chatter and laughter coming from the dining table while Harry sits on am armchair to the side of the lounge. He can feel a few eyes glancing back and forth at him. He's pretty sure one of them is his mum and another is Louis. 

Louis, who's kind of stepped back a little bit since they've brought Ava home. Maybe it's a bit dramatic, because they've only been here for a few hours now, but so far, he hasn't asked to hold her aside from when he was taking her to Lottie. Harry frowns about it. He's not sure why or what he's doing but Harry hopes it doesn't continue because he can't just not be involved here. He promised he's one hundred percent in this so he better prove that. 

Harry manages to get Ava to sleep once everyone is starting on desserts. He places her in her little pram and makes sure she's near him while he dishes out some of the leftover supper. He notices Louis doing the same thing. 

"Did you not eat?" Harry asks him curiously. 

"No," Louis mumbles, looking down, "waited for you to finish." 

For some reason, after he says it, the whole table falls silent. Harry, too, doesn't know what to say. He didn't expect that from Louis. He fish mouths for a while before deciding on a meek, "Oh," as a response. 

Louis doesn't say anything else and the table falls into chatter again. Harry munches on his food quietly, while keeping an eye on Ava next to him. 

"Louis, how long did you take off for?" Lottie asks him. 

Harry's ears perk. He didn't actually ask Louis that. Louis, even though he's supposedly 'off', still answers calls from work and goes out occasionally, so Harry didn't even think he was 'off work' per se. 

"Um, I'm going back around mid-Jan," he replies. 

"Wow, and dad agreed to that?" she asks, eyebrow raised. 

"I didn't really give him a choice," Louis says, "he still hasn't even met Ava yet, you know?" 

Harry is surprised at that. Mark, even though he's Louis' step-father, may as well be a father to him. He knows Louis has looked up to him from the time he's known Louis. He listens to Mark on everything. Harry wonders how badly their conversation had gone after Louis insisted on taking so much of leave. 

"Yeah, says he's in Cali, he'll only be back after the New Year," Phoebe rolls her eyes. 

Harry purses his lips. He doesn't feel like he has a say in the matter. 

Louis, for some reason, looks extra emotional about it all, his nostrils flaring as he looks down at his plate. Harry frowns. Should he ask? Maybe. Not now though. 

The rest of the dinner is uneventful aside from everyone falling at Ava's feet, even while she's asleep. Harry can't blame them, she's so adorable. Well, everyone aside from Louis. Harry still doesn't get it. He's keeping his distance... for what? This is his daughter. If he wants to spend time with her, he needs to do something, not just stand back and look. 

Harry feels like part of him is overreacting to all of this. Maybe it's just his hormones. Can he still use that excuse? It's been almost a month after all.

He shakes his head and focuses on saying goodbye to everyone instead. He's exhausted already and he's isn't sure why. But Ava is still asleep, surprisingly, so he takes her upstairs to place her in her little cot in her room for the first time.

He places her down carefully, giving her a long kiss on her forehead. She doesn't even flinch at that. Good Lord she's a real Tomlinson isn't she?

Harry wonders if she'll inherit anything other than his dimple. He hopes so but at the same time he doesn't mind. As long as she's a happy little baby. That's all he cares about.

Louis comes in just as he's about to turn around to leave.

"Hey," he greets Harry, a little hesitant, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the threshold of the door.

"Hi," Harry pauses at the cot.

"Um, I wanted to ask how we're going to do the feeding thing with her. Since we're in different rooms and all."

Harry exhales. Shit. He hadn't thought about that. "Well, I mean do you want to do any?" He can't help but be snarky.

Louis frowns. "Yes, of course I do."

"Really? 'Cause I didn't get that at all from you today. You've barely touched her since she's come home."

Louis' frown deepened. "Harry, I don't want to, like, ignore her or anything. Jesus. I was just letting you spend some time with her. I know how much you've been wanting her at home."

"And you haven't?" Harry asks, frowning too.

"That's not what I said," he sighs, "I just thought I'd step back a little today, that's all."

"You agreed to be in this one hundred percent, Louis," he says firmly, "so act like it, would you?"

Louis' jaw clenches. "Fine. I'm sorry. I just thought I was doing the right thing," he mumbles, "now can we sort out this feeding thing? I want to look after my daughter."

Harry is surprised that he apologises but he quickly composes himself, clearing his throat. "Why don't I do the ones closer to the morning time, like four and after, since you leave to work earlier and need more sleep?"

Louis nods. "Yeah, that's fine by me, I guess. Hope that works out." 

"It will if you try," Harry can't help but remark.

Louis looks down, shaking his head. "Whatever. Good night then," he mutters, turning around and walking away.

Harry feels a little guilty for saying what he did but at the same time, he doesn't because he's not going to take any shit. They agreed to do this together as a family and they're going to make it work. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Their feeding arrangement works more or less. There's clashes here and there but it's not too bad. Harry catches Louis talking to her one night, sitting on the armchair at the corner of the room and cooing at her. His heart flutters at the sight and he's not sure why.

He doesn't see Louis this way with her if Harry is there and he still doesn't understand why. And he's not afraid to make that known. Louis always shrugs it off though, saying he's trying his best. 

Harry knows he's nagging and hounding him unnecessarily sometimes but he can't help it. Louis is doing things incorrectly and he's going to say something about it.

It does nothing to ease the tension between them though. And Harry comes to find out, after a week of Ava being home, that she is not a quiet baby. She is, in fact, very fussy. She's a big crier, according to his mum. She said that neither Harry nor Gemma fussed that much when they were this age.

It just makes matters between everyone worse, aside from with his mum. It's horrible between Harry and Louis because it's like they're back to just before they'd gotten divorced and can't stand each other.

They're quick to snap at each other and one day, it comes crashing down. It's after new years, during the last week of January. Ava has been home for a month, officially. But Harry feels like he's losing control little by little.

He's trying to console her but she just won't stop _crying_. And he's not sure what to do anymore. He's tried everything and Louis is _messing up_.

He dropped the formula over the counter and had to prepare a new one then he drops her dummy on the floor and has to wash it thoroughly before giving it to Harry. She doesn't take it, spitting it out.

And the worst thing is that he's not even trying. He's not asking to hold her, to try and do anything but look like a lost puppy while Harry tries his best. And his mum is outside taking an important phone call so she can't even help.

Eventually, Harry snaps. He turns to Louis. "Can you just fucking help for once?"

Louis blinks at him. "I'm--- I did?"

" _How_?"

"I made her bottle, gave you stuff--- I'm trying," he says, his voice void of anger but more of frustration.

"You haven't even asked to try and get her to stop crying yourself," Harry cries, "God, Louis, what the hell are you doing?"

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, "Harry, I'm trying," he says again, more angry.

Ah. There's the Louis he knows.

"Well, try harder," Harry grits, "you're not acting like a father."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're so detached from her, I'm afraid you'll just up and leave one day just like your----"

He cuts himself off, seeing Louis' face fill with hurt and sadness. Guilt curdles in Harry's stomach. Now he really does feel bad.

"Okay, enough," Anne says suddenly, back inside of the house, "I'm sick and tired of this," she says, her tone angry, "you want to know why she won't stop crying? Because you two can't stop arguing. Because you're constantly fighting and because you're filling this whole house with negativity."

Harry swallows, still patting her back to try and get her to stop crying.

"Now," her voice shakes slightly, "give her to me and you two get out."

"What?" Harry blinks.

"Get out of the house. Both of you. Go to a cafe, restaurant, the store--- whatever and don't come back until you've sorted out what needs to be sorted out."

"Mum, it's not that easy---"

"Yes, it is, really. You're both just making it unnecessarily complicated for nothing," she says, "now give her to me and go."

Harry swallows, looking down at her angry red face and sighs. Maybe she's right. Oh, who is he kidding? She's his mum, she's always right. 

Reluctantly, Harry walks to her and hands her Ava. Anne's mood changes instantly and she talks to Ava in her baby voice, bouncing her a little bit. Miraculously, her cries get softer and decrease.

She looks up at them. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

Harry blinks again, taken aback by her. He nods and looks at Louis who can barely look back at him. He looks close to crying and Harry's guilt worsens.

Wordlessly, Louis walks to the door, grabbing his car keys and heading out, the door slamming shut behind him.

Harry flinches.

"What you said was not okay, Harry," his mum chastises.

Harry winces. "I know."

"I know he may not be trying as much as you want him to but he still _is_ ," she says, "I can see it in his eyes, love. He's trying his best. You're both new to this. Give him a break. Go talk to him."

Harry nods. He's not looking forward to this but he has to do this, for Ava's sake. He wanted to avoid all of this in the first place.

With a sigh, he heads out too, seeing Louis waiting for him in the Rover, eyes down and jaw clenched. His guard is up. Great. Understandable though.

Harry walks to the car, opening the door and jumping in. Immediately, the air gets thick.

"Um, I guess we do really need to talk," Harry says, looking at him carefully.

Louis is still looking down. "Yeah," he says quietly.

"I'm--- I'm really sorry about what I said," Harry says quickly, "I didn't mean it."

"You did though. You did mean it and that's why you said it," his voice sound eerily distant.

Harry swallows the lump in his throat. "I didn't, Louis. I was just frustrated and angry and I just--- I said something stupid."

"I'm trying my best, Harry. I---" he shakes his head, wiping his hand over his face, "you have no idea, _fuck_."

"No idea about what?" Harry asks, eyebrows pinched together.

"I don't feel like I have any right to be with her completely," he blurts out.

Harry blinks at him, shocked. "What? Why?"

"Because I feel so guilty," he sighs, bottom lip wobbling much to Harry's horror, "I feel so guilty that I caused that--- you, I mean--- you know what I mean."

Oh. He didn't --- he didn't think about that.

"And I tried talking to you about it but you wouldn't listen and I don't blame you but then--- I just felt like I don't have the right to be with her that way."

Harry gulps. He exhales heavily. "Louis, I--- I know that whatever happened was because I was stressed out and, um, yeah our fight no doubt added to that. But I was stressed out about everything. And I--- I was being unreasonable, I know that now."

Louis finally looks at him, eyes red. Harry's heart clenches.

"You still don't get it, do you?"

"Still don't get what?"

"How in love with you I am," he says, the air getting thicker. Harry inhales sharply. He doesn't--- that didn't relate to what they were saying but okay. It didn't, did it?

"Louis, I can't ---"

"Yeah, I know. Save it. I've heard it already," he mumbles, looking away, "I think part of me also finds it hard to," he visibly swallows, "like, look at you and Ava and know that I--- _we're_ \--- supposed to be a family."

"We are," Harry argues weakly. He doesn't know what else to say.

"We're not though, Harry. Just look at what we're doing to her," he says, "we're stressing her out. I apparently can't do anything right--- it's just so bloody confusing," he pinches the bridge of his nose.

Harry sighs. "You're doing a lot right," he says quietly.

Louis scoffs, looking out the window.

"You are," Harry insists.

Louis shakes his head. "Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I just leave," he whispers, "but I can't because I love her so damn much and I--- I don't want to be like him. I don't."

"You're not," Harry reaches for his hand without thinking twice, "God, Louis, you're not. I'm sorry I said that. I --- I wouldn't be able to do this without you."

Louis looks down at their hands, sighing. "I'm sorry I'm not trying harder." 

"You are. I'm being a little difficult, I know I am," Harry admits, "I'm sorry." 

"Why?" Louis asks him.

"I don't know," Harry huffs, "it looks to me like you don't want to try and I'm scared of doing it alone." 

"I'm not leaving, H," Louis says, tone soft but firm. 

"I know. I'm sorry," he shakes his head, squeezing Louis' hand. 

"Hey, uh, why were so upset about Mark?" Harry asks. It's been bothering him since Christmas but he just didn't have it in him to ask Louis about it. He might as well do it now.

"Harry, he's basically the only person I have left that's close to a parent and he still hasn't seen Ava. He's been back for over two weeks now. I don't even know how I'm going to go back to work and see him again, and pretend everything is okay." 

"Oh," Harry says quietly. He gets that. Harry would be upset too. At least his dad has seen Ava a handful of times by now. 

"Yeah," he sighs. 

"Maybe invite him over one of the days? For supper maybe?" Harry offers. 

"No, he should want to come by himself," Louis shakes his head indignantly. 

Harry sighs but nods. He doesn't want to fight on that, not when they're so fragile. He understands where Louis is coming from. 

"Can I ask you one other thing?" Harry bites his lip nervously. 

Louis frowns, nodding. 

"Are you going to see Charlie again?" 

Louis straightens up a bit before letting out a breath. "No, no I'm not." 

"Really? I mean--- I know I was upset but I get that I ---"

"Harry, I just told you how I feel about you. Again," he cuts off Harry. Harry purses his lips. "Besides, I just did it to get him off my case, as bad as it sounds. He's been asking me out for months and after everything happened with you, I figured, why not." 

"Right," Harry mumbles, "well, I just... I want to apologise for that too. You're allowed to do what you want to do-- go out with whoever." 

Louis lets out a laugh, but it's humourless. "Harry, I feel like you're not listening to anything I've been saying. I'm so gone for you. All over again. Trust me, I'm not interested in anyone else." 

Harry's heart warms but aches at the same time. He just doesn't know what to say. He's not--- he doesn't know how he feels. 

"I'm sorry, Louis," is all he can say. 

Louis' face fills with disappointment but he tries for a smile. "It's fine." 

Harry doesn't know why he also feels disappointed. 

"We should go back inside," Louis says, "I'll---I'll try harder, I will." 

Harry nods, their hands still locked together. "I won't be so hard on you. We can do this," he says, determined. 

Louis passes him a small smile. "Okay," he lets out a breath, "let's try this again then." 

"Okay," Harry agrees, smiling back. 

As they head back inside, Harry realises he misses the warmth of Louis' hand in his. On the bright side though, Ava is finally asleep. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's a little better after that. They don't actively avoid each other or hate each other. There's even a few smiles along the way, albeit awkward ones. Louis--- well, he can't put Ava down now. He's spoiling her by letting her be carried all the time but Harry can't complain, nor does he want to. They still don't talk as much but they communicate, which is important. 

Harry's birthday is spent with Louis, Ava and his mum. Gemma visits for a bit too, dropping off a present and seeing her niece for a bit. Louis manages to put some pictures in the album he'd gotten for the baby shower of Ava and shows Harry on his birthday. It gets him all teary and Louis too. There's only three pictures in total but that's more than enough to get him to that state. 

There's also some moments in the weeks following that Harry catches Louis staring at him. It's not in a creepy way or anything. It's just--- Harry knows it's all fond and cute and he doesn't know what to do anymore. He feels guilty for not wanting the same things Louis does even though he knows he shouldn't because it's not his fault. The way he feels-- or doesn't feel in this case--- is not his fault. It's not. 

"Harry!" 

Harry almost drops the bottle in his hand. He turns to Louis, eyes wide. "What?" He asks, already moving to the lounge where Louis is sitting with Ava. 

"She smiled," he laughs happily, holding her up and making a funny face and---

"She's smiling," Harry whispers, almost in awe. "Oh, love," he reaches for her, holding her up too, a hand secured by her neck, and trying it out himself. 

"Come on, angel, give daddy a smile too," Louis coaxes, standing next to Harry and making silly faces and noises with Harry until she smiles again. God, she has a beautiful smile. Harry feels himself getting emotional again. 

"She has your smile," Louis says quietly, tickling her chin, "with that dimple," he pokes her cheek. 

Harry bites his lip. "Unbelievable," he says, "she's growing up too quickly."

"Yeah," Louis agrees with a small pout, his eyes still on her. 

They're interrupted by Harry's phone ringing. Harry passes her back to Louis who happily takes her in his arms, making funny faces at her again. Harry smiles at them as he pulls out his phone to answer it. 

"Hello?"

"Hi, Haz," Gemma breathes on the other end of the line. 

"Oh, hi," Harry realises he didn't even look at the caller ID, "why do you sound like that?"

"Um, I have some news," Gemma says, "I wanted you and mum to come over actually--- and Ava and Louis if you want them to as well."

"Uh, okay. What is happening, exactly?" 

"It's big news --- just, yeah, come over tomorrow? For lunch if possible." 

Harry frowns. "Um, okay. I need to tell mum?" 

Louis glances at him, eyebrows pinched together in question. 

"Yes please. She wasn't answering her phone."

"Yeah, okay. Gem, you're not, like, dying are you?"

"Wow, H, wait to be sensitive," she snorts, "no, I am not dying, you fool."

He lets out a breath. "Okay, that's a relief. I'll tell mum then. I think we should all be able to come." 

"Okay, great. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye," Harry says, hanging up. 

"Everything okay?" Louis asks, sitting down with Ava on his lap again. 

"Uh, I think so? Gemma just called to ask us if we could come over tomorrow for lunch because she has big news."

"Oh," Louis frowns, "will you be taking Ava then?"

"Yeah, but she invited you too," Harry says. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah."

"Okay, uh, I guess I'll go with then? Did she say what it was about?"

Harry shakes his head, sitting down next to Louis. "She sounded, like breathless though."

"Scared or excited?"

"I don't know actually. Kind of sounded like both."

"Oh, okay. Wonder what it's about."

"Guess we'll find out tomorrow," Harry mumbles off-handedly, his attention back on Ava. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Driving to Gemma's confirms Harry's theory that Ava falls asleep in car rides. Every time they'd gone out with her--- which wasn't much--- she'd always managed to fall asleep. Now, this is not even close to her bed time and she is fast asleep not even ten minutes in. 

Harry looks at her through the rear view mirror and sighs fondly. "It's gonna mess up her sleeping schedule." 

"She's three months old. Does she even have one?"

"Touche," Harry mumbles back at Louis. 

"Oh, leave her be. She's just like you, Harry. You also loved car rides 'cause they made you sleep." 

"Oh my god, that's carried with you till now," Louis gasps, as if in wonder, "explains why you never want to drive long distances."

Harry sighs, rolling his eyes. "Anyways," he says, "I hope she does actually go onto a sleeping schedule soon. The pregnancy books all say that she will around four months old."

"You know, it's different for every baby. Gemma only started sleeping through the night at six months old whereas with you, you were just a little older than Ava when you started sleeping through the night. So it all depends on this little one." 

Harry looks at her through the rearview mirror, her head tilted down a bit, eyes shut closed. He grins fondly. He still can't believe he made her. Well, helped make her. And that she was in him for months. The whole thing is crazy. 

"Mum used to say I was a difficult baby to get to sleep," Louis says. 

"Great," Harry mumbles, "let's hope she does not turn out to be difficult like you then." 

Louis snorts, shaking his head. Harry smiles back at him. His heart swoops again and he's never felt more confused in his entire life. 

Sighing, he looks out the window instead, choosing to ignore any further thoughts about it. 

They reach Gemma's shortly after and as soon as they take Ava out of the carseat, she's wide awake, looking at Harry curiously, a little pinch between her brows. Harry giggles to himself, kissing her forehead and covering her with her fluffy blanket. 

"You're not taking the carseat in?" Louis asks him. 

Harry shrugs. "Do you think we should?"

"Well, we're going to have lunch so I think so," Louis says, already moving to take it out. 

"Okay," Harry mumbles in response then rambles some nonsense to Ava, making her smile. God, he'll never used to that. He wonders if she'll laugh any time soon. Apparently she's supposed to, according to the pregnancy books again. 

They walk up to Gemma's place, Harry making sure Ava is wrapped up and warm enough. Even though it's the end of Feb, it's still quite nippy outside. She answers the door, looking a little frazzled already. Harry frowns at her. 

"Hi," he says, "are you okay?"

"Oven mishap," she explains, waving her hand, "come in, come in."

She reaches for Ava immediately and Harry--- reluctantly--- gives her to her aunt. She's not a fussy baby when it comes to who holds her, even though she's fussy in other things. Harry thinks she just likes being held. Which, again, is going to be a problem and it is to be blamed on Louis because of how much he carries her. 

Gemma greets Louis and their mum and tells them to get seated at her small dining table near the kitchen. Her 'oven mishap' turns out to be a slightly burnt apple pie. She tells them that she left it in the oven too long by accident. Still, there's something else that's bothering her, Harry can tell. 

They place Ava in her carseat in between Harry and Louis while they dish out what Gemma made onto their respective plates. Anne opts to sit next to Gemma. She's the first one to ask Gemma about the news she wants to tell them. 

Gemma takes a breath before looking up at them. "Okay," she exhales, "there's no easy way to say this so, I guess I just have to come out with it... I'm pregnant." 

Harry chokes on some of his food and Louis' fork drops onto his plate while Anne's eyes widen. 

"What?" She asks. "With who's baby?" 

Gemma visibly swallows. "Um, I've been seeing someone since December, shortly after my birthday," she confesses, "he's a great guy and he wants to do this with me." 

"Well then where is he?" Anne asks, her tone unreadable. 

"I told him not to be here," she winces, "not right now--- but he wanted to." 

"Wow," Louis blinks next to him, "um, congratulations?"

For the first time since they've arrived, she smiles. "Thank you." 

"Are you happy?" Harry asks, even though he thinks he might know. 

She nods eagerly. "I do like him a lot and this was unexpected but we're going to make it work, even if we don't end up staying together."

"I feel like this is deja vu," Anne sighs, rubbing her temples. Harry blushes, looking down at his plate. "You're sure you know what you're doing?"

Gemma nods at her. "Positive, mum. And I'm kind of excited." 

Their mum smiles a little at that. "I mean, I would have hoped you'd at least be dating the guy longer than a few months before this happens, married even, but I suppose this'll have to do. Nothing wrong with having another grandbaby." 

"Yeah," she lets out a breath, "thank you, mum," she says, hugging her. 

"How far along are you?" Harry asks, excited. 

"Only about a month," she informs him. 

"Well, congrats, Gem. I'm really happy for you," Harry smiles, "Ava is going to get a cousin soon," Harry says, looking down at Ava who's shoving her fist into her mouth. He shakes his head fondly. 

"You two are making me feel so old," Anne says, huffing at the end of her sentence. 

"Sorry, mum," Harry wrinkles his nose. 

"Gem, if he hurts you or the baby in any way, I swear to God I'll---"

"I know, Louis," she cuts him off with a gentle smile, "I'll get to him before you or Harry even get a chance to."

"That's my girl," Anne pinches her cheek. 

For the rest of the lunch, Gemma looks much more relaxed, thankfully, and she seems really excited, which is always a good thing. She even asks Harry to join her for her next appointment with the OBGYN. Harry obviously agrees. He loves babies and he's going to love his little nephew or niece or whomever they decide they are. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Harry doesn't mean to fall down a rabbit hole but sometimes these things happen. He finds an old box with their stuff; wedding video, photos, clothes, some of the Starbucks mugs Louis' brought Harry when they'd first started dating. He would get one from whatever place he'd go to, provided they had a Starbucks of course. 

There's one from Washington, South Africa, U.A.E and so many more. He wants to put them back into the glass cabinet next to the stove. Unintentionally, he starts looking at their old stuff and reminiscing about them. 

He's sitting down in his room, Ava asleep in the middle of the bed while he's next to her. He smiles at some of their old photos. One of them at a ski resort in Alaska, the first trip they'd taken together, another at a bed and breakfast in Camden, Louis behind Harry while they're laying down in bed and kissing his cheek. There's one of them on their honeymoon in The Bahamas, all tanned and in love. 

God, they were so in love. Harry sighs, swallowing the lump in his throat. How could he ever demean what they had? They did work well romantically, who the hell was he kidding? They fell for each other so quickly because they _worked_. Everything made sense when he had Louis by his side. 

He feels awful for they way he turned Louis down, based on some false basis that they never worked well romantically? 

Then he watches their wedding video and it makes everything worse. He's in tears by the end of it, watching them slow dance, beaming smiles on their faces and exchanging sweet kisses between them. There's a point in the video, in the midst of Still The One, where Harry's head tucks into Louis' neck and Louis whispers something in his ear. He remembers that really well. 

He whispered, "Love you, baby. Love you so much." 

Harry smiles, watery and sad at that. God, they really loved each other so much. What the fuck happened? 

He remembers the night of their honeymoon, how they'd spoken about starting a family together, how they both wanted a big family, living at their beach house, growing old together. And now, here they are. They have a wonderful little girl who deserves so much better than two emotionally unstable parents who can't even define their relationship. 

What did Harry think, that they'd just live together for the rest of their lives and Harry would be all moody and jealous about Louis going out with other people because he'll never be able to get over him. That's just it, isn't it? The reason why he's gotten so upset and judgy and angry was because he was jealous, wasn't it? 

Harry shuts his laptop and pushes it aside. He looks down at Ava who's suddenly awake but quiet as a mouse. He grins at her, picking her up carefully. "Hey, lovely," he kisses her cheek, letting her rest on his legs that are perched up, "Daddy's made such a mess--- both of us have." 

She just makes cute little sounds and looks around, unbothered. Harry wishes he was her right now. 

"I'm sorry, bub," he kisses her nose, sighing. 

"Harry," his mum knocks on the door, letting herself in even though he didn't really say she could come in. "Hi, sweetie. You have that appointment with Gemma, remember? Or are you not going anymore?" 

Harry's eyes widen. "Shit, yeah," he lifts Ava off and to his chest as he stands up, "do you mind taking care of her for a bit?"

"I don't mind at all, come here, baby," she opens her arms and goes to Ava. She goes easily into his mum's arms. 

"Louis should be here soon though," Harry informs her, grabbing his shoes and slipping them on quickly. 

"No problem, love," she says, "tell Gemma I said hi." 

"I will." 

"And get me a copy of the sonogram too, please." 

"I will," Harry says, kissing her cheek then the top of Ava's head, "I'll see you later."

Gemma is already in the waiting room by the time he arrives. 

"You're late," she scolds him, scowling. 

"I'm sorry," he pouts, "I was just... caught up with stuff but I'm here now."

"I'm really nervous. Is that stupid?" 

"No, it's not. But everything will be fine," he squeezes her hand. 

She smiles at him and then the nurse calls them in for the appointment. Gemma has a different doctor than Harry's one, one her gynecologist recommended to her. Harry doesn't understand why the gynecologist couldn't do it themselves but he didn't question her. 

This doctor seems nice, however. She has a friendly smile and she's opened to hearing Gemma's thousand and one questions. They both cry when they see the little baby on the screen and hear their heartbeat. It's crazy that Harry was in this position only a few months ago. Eventually, they have to leave but Gemma is still an emotional mess. 

"Gem, do you want go somewhere? I can spend some time with you. I just don't want to leave you like this." 

She nods. "Just for a little bit." 

"Okay," Harry swings his arm around her shoulder, "let's go to get some tea or something."

So, they go to the nearest coffee shop to have some tea. By the time their tea comes, she's a bit better. 

"Sorry, that was just a lot," she sighs. 

"It's fine," Harry reassures her, "I was the same." 

"I don't know how you did it." 

"Well, I had mum there with me and Louis," he says, "speaking of, where is this guy you're seeing? Tell me more about him." 

She smiles bashfully. "His name is Michael. He's really great. Met him at work and we get along really well. You'd love him too. We'll set up a meeting soon. Mum wants to meet him soon too." 

"Set a meeting," he snorts, "okay, sure."

"You know what I mean," she rolls her eyes, "anyways, tell me how's things with Ava, Louis, mum--- all of that."

"Ava is great. She's always smiling--- you saw that. She's going to be four months old soon. I can't believe it," he smiles. He always smiles when he talks about her. "Um, mum is good, same old, I guess."

Gemma looks at him pointedly, raising a brow. "And Louis?"

"You don't really care about Ava or mum, do you? This was all just a ploy to get to know about what's happening with Louis and I," he mutters. 

"I will always care about my niece, excuse you. But, I did speak to mum, like, yesterday so," she shrugs.

Harry huffs. "It's... complicated," he admits, "he still, well, um, last we spoke, he said that he loves me," he says, almost shamefully. 

Her eyes widen. "And you didn't think to tell me this?" She hisses. "When did he tell you this?"

"Uh, towards the end of Jan," Harry mumbles, looking down. 

"Oh my god," she sighs, "and does mum know?"

Harry shakes his head. "She knows he told me he has feelings for me before Ava was born but, uh, nothing about recently."

"Oh my god, this is huge. I'm not exactly surprised, considering the way he looked at you when you guys came to my place but I just didn't think--- I don't know--- this is _huge_."

_The way he looked at you_

"I know," Harry mutters, feeling overwhelmingly sad then. 

"I'm guessing you didn't tell him how you in love with him you still are, did you?"

Harry's eyes snap up to meet hers. "What?"

"Tell me, you realised that, please," she says flatly, "Harry, I see the way you look at him too."

Harry blinks, shaking his head. "I'm not--- I can't be."

"God, Harry. What did you say?" 

"I didn't say anything. I just sort of left it as is and he got the idea that what I said the last time still stands."

"The load of crap about you two not working romantically?" She arches her brow at him. "Look, I understood back then because you wanted to protect yourself and Ava. But what's stopping you now?"

"Nothing's changed from then to now," he sighs, "I realised I was being stupid about what I said because we--- we worked really well together and I know that now but nothing's changed."

"Except that it has, Harry," she says gently, "he's staying with you, under the same roof, even though he has no obligation to, especially after you turned him down, twice, and even though it makes things a thousand times more complicated now, as Ava grows up it'll be worse."

"He--- he still went on a date with someone else," Harry argues weakly, then winces. He knows that that's an unfair statement to make after Louis explained himself. "I said some horrible things to him, Gem. I--- I said that he was going to be just like his dad and god, his face. It still haunts me to this day."

"Oh, Harry," she sighs, "you apologised for that, right? From what I've seen he's a great dad."

"He is a great dad," Harry admits with a smile, "and yes, I did immediately apologise. That's how we got talking about everything in the first place. And he, um, he said that he only went out with someone else 'cause he was upset about things with me and that he's not interested in seeing anyone else so he's not going out with that guy again."

Gemma stares at him. "Harry, let me ask you something, why do you think it bothered you so much that he went out with someone else?"

"B-because that would mean he doesn't pay attention and take care of his daughter if he's off with some other bloke," he mumbles, even though he knows it's a lie. He _just_ fucking figured it out. Or realised it. Whatever. 

"Harry, come on. Stop bullshitting me," she says dryly. 

"Gemma, it doesn't matter, okay? Whatever we had is over and some of what I said still stands; what if we don't work out again? We have Ava to think about too now. It's so much more riskier."

"What if you do?" She presses. "Come on, what do you expect to happen? He's just going to pine after you and not be allowed to date anyone else while staying with you and Ava? How is that fair to any of you?"

Harry's bottom lip wobbles. He inhales sharply. She's right. The thought of seeing Louis with someone else makes him sick and he knows why, he's always known why, he was just in denial before and god, if earlier gave him a damn good wakeup call.

"H, I don't mean to make you upset but you know I'm always going to be honest with you. You have feelings for him, even if you don't want to admit that you love him. And you can't keep living a lie. I know you're scared of what might happen between you two, and that's normal. But you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't give you two a shot again."

Harry lets a few tears fall. She's right and he knows that. "Gem, I don't know what to do. I feel like I've missed my shot now anyways." 

"Harry, he's been pining after you. Just tell him the truth. Put yourself first for once and be honest. If nothing happens then... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"It's not that easy." He knows he's still making a weak argument. 

She sighs in exasperation. "I don't know what to tell you, H. I feel like you're doing everything to prevent a mess but you're already in one."

After their coffee session, Gemma's words stick with him. It's playing over and over again in his head. She's right and he _knows_ that, he does. He's already in a bloody mess. 

When he gets home, luckily he's occupied by Ava and his mum so that he doesn't think about it too much but it's still _there_. His mum tells him that Louis had to go to an urgent meeting, something about Mark nagging him to be there. Harry gets that. He's been busy since he's gone back to work but he does put time aside for Ava, which Harry is grateful for. Luckily, Harry also gets to work from home because his job allows it. Of course, he still has to go out now and then but it's not too bad. 

Louis only gets home after supper, while Harry is in the lounge trying to put Ava to sleep. She's a little fussy tonight and Harry is not sure why. He's bouncing her on his feet, shushing her and rubbing her back when Louis walks in. 

"Hey," he greets Harry, looking tired but still smiling. 

He approaches them and frowns. "What's wrong?" He asks, immediately reaching for Ava. She whimpers as she goes into his arms. "Hey, angel, what's wrong, darling?" 

"She doesn't want to go to sleep," Harry explains, sitting down and sighing in relief. It feels like ever since he'd gotten pregnant, his feet haven't stopped aching. 

Louis shushes her, kissing the top of her head and bouncing her. Surprisingly, her small whimpers die down. Harry looks at her, feeling betrayed. 

"She just missed her papa," Louis grins down softly at her. 

Harry sighs again. Maybe she did. 

Sure enough, within minutes, Louis lulls her to sleep. Harry still feels betrayed. 

"I'll go put her down. You going to bed?" Louis asks. 

Harry shakes his head. "Gonna watch something first."

"Okay, I'll join you in a few then."

"Louis, you don't have to---"

"I know, I just want to," he grins at Harry, the same private smile he saves just for Harry like all those years ago. Harry's stomach turns. He nods and then Louis is going up the stairs, placing short kiss on Ava's head. Harry smiles at the sight. 

Louis comes down a few minutes later, sitting down next to Harry with a sigh. He looks exhausted. 

"How was work?" Harry asks.

"Busy," he grimaces, "sorry I came home so late."

"It's fine."

"It's not," he mumbles, "they want me to start travelling again now--- from the day after tomorrow but that trip is just to Ireland and for three days."

Harry swallows. He was afraid of this. Things went downhill as soon as Louis started travelling so much. 

"Oh," is all he says. 

"I'm trying to get something manageable though. I don't want to be away from you guys for too long."

Harry nods. Part of him believes that. He's just not sure how long it'll last. 

"What did you do today? How was Gemma's thing?"

"It was good. She's really excited; had a lot of questions for her doctor," Harry chuckles.

"Sounds like her," Louis smiles, "I'm happy for her."

"Me too," Harry says honestly. He bites his lip, knowing he has to answer Louis' other question. "Um, I found some old stuff of ours," he confesses. 

Louis raises an eyebrow at him. "Yeah? What did you find?"

Harry takes a deep breath. "Some old photos of us, those Starbucks mugs and our wedding video."

It hangs thick in the air. Louis' face turns somber. "Oh," he looks down, "what, um, what did you do with them?"

"Nothing. I--- I didn't want to get rid of them. I mean--- I was going to ask you if you wanted them?"

"To do what, exactly? Keep them for what?"

"I mean... I don't know. Ava?" 

"To show her when her parents were in love and together and now they're not anymore?" Louis lets out a bitter scoff, "if you'd even call it that."

Harry gulps, a heavy ball of guilt in his stomach. "We were," he says softly, "I'm sorry I doubted that. What we had--- it was real. So real." 

Louis stares at him, shocked. "You really mean that," he whispers. 

Harry nods. "Looking at the stuff of ours... I realised a lot of things. I'm sorry, Louis. I was wrong about so much." 

Louis blinks twice, visibly swallowing. "I--- I don't know what to say."

"Did you mean what you said? Back in January, about you loving me?"

Louis' eyes turn soft. "Of course I did."

"Do you still?"

Louis' cheeks turn pink. "Yeah," he admits, as if ashamed. 

Harry nods, his heart fluttering. "Louis, look at me."

Louis looks up at him and Harry bravely moves closer. He sees Louis' eyes widen marginally and then Harry kisses him. It's like his whole body sighs in relief, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders Louis only barely kisses back before he's pulling away, eyes searching Harry's.

"What are you doing?" 

Harry pushes away the hurt. "I just wanna--- I wanna see something." 

Louis looks at him incredulously. "What?"

"I just wanna kiss you," Harry says quietly. 

"Why?"

"Because--- because--- I don't know," he stammers. 

He wants to know if they really belong together, if they fit like they used to. He just--- he wants to. 

Louis shakes his head, shooting up from his seat. "No, Harry. You can't just--- no," he says sadly, "you can't just kiss me--- use me--- that's not fair." 

"Louis---"

"No, Harry, listen to me," Louis says, stern but still sad, "I have to protect my heart. I can't bear you kissing me _just because_ and pretend like it never happened, or only for you to turn me down again. I can't do it," he sounds defeated. Harry wants to cry. 

"Louis, I didn't mean to," he struggles to find the right words. 

"Yeah, you never do," he whispers, rubbing a hand over his face, "I just---" he cuts himself off, shaking his head, "I'm going to bed."

Before Harry can even think of what to say next, Louis is hurrying off up the stairs, leaving Harry downstairs with a heavy heart and a lump in his throat. He didn't mean to make Louis upset. he's just--- he's lost and confused and for some reason, he thought kissing him would make it better. That wasn't fair to Louis. 

Harry sighs. He needs to apologise to Louis tomorrow. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He doesn't end up seeing Louis at all the next day. He's gone once Harry wakes up and he has no idea what time Louis came back home because by midnight, Harry was fast asleep with Ava next to him. And by the time Wednesday comes, Louis is gone to Ireland, bright and early. Harry is awake by five and his mum tells him the Louis had 'just left'. 

"What's going on between you two?" She asks tiredly. 

"He loves me," Harry admits, "and I turned him down again."

"Oh, Harry," Anne sighs in disappointment. 

"That's not all," he laughs mirthlessly, "I tried to kiss him the other night even though I know how he feels but it was wrong."

"Why did you do that?" She frowns. 

"Because I may have realised that very day that I still have feelings for him, possibly still love him too."

"Oh," she says, "and you didn't tell him that, did you?"

Harry shakes his head. "I didn't know how to. I was so confused and I'd only just figured it out and I just--- I didn't say anything because part of me is still scared."

She reaches for his hand, squeezing it. "Sweetie, you need to be honest with him," she says, "tell him how you feel and sort it out from there."

"I want to but he's avoiding me," Harry huffs. 

"He just needs some time, love. He'll be back by Friday, right?"

Harry nods. He said about three days. 

"Then talk to him then. But it's about time you two are completely candid with each other. No lies and secrets and holding back."

Harry nods, determined. "I will."

"Good," she smiles, "now come and help me make some omelettes because I'm starving."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Louis ends up coming back on Saturday morning. Harry is the only one awake when he does come in but he doesn't see Harry sitting outside. He goes straight up to his room. Harry gets up quickly, following him to his room. The door is opened when he gets there, Louis noticing him immediately. 

He's taking off his socks when he does. "Hey," he places it to the side and looks at Harry. 

"Hi," Harry bites his lip. 

"You're up early."

"Yeah, couldn't sleep," he clears his throat, "um, can we talk?"

Louis sighs, nodding. "Yeah, come in. We do need to talk."

Harry sits at the foot of the bed, keeping a good amount if distance between them. "You've been avoiding me, haven't you?"

Louis bows his head. "Yeah, look, Harry, I'm sorry. I don't--- I don't want us to go back to how we were before. We're doing fine. I shouldn't have avoided you but I just needed some time. It won't happen again."

"Louis---"

"No, Harry, it's fine. We can just... forget about it."

"Louis, would you just listen to me?" Harry asks, letting out a frustrated breath. 

Louis looks at him. "Y-yeah, sorry. What is it?"

"You don't have to apologise. I understand," he says, "and I---I wanted to kiss you---"

"Harry," he shakes his head. 

" _Louis_ ," Harry says, agitated, "just listen to me."

Louis purses his lips, keeping quiet. 

"I," he bites his lip, "I'm sorry I ever thought we weren't anything but madly in love. We fell for each other so quickly because we just worked together. We fitted together like puzzle pieces."

Louis is searching his eyes, vulnerability evident behind the blue. 

"I realised when I saw us, that I miss us. I--- I got _jealous_ of you going out with someone else because you belong with me, Lou. I just --- I don't want to get hurt, Louis. I was also trying to protect my heart. I didn't want to make a mess of things and have it be complicated for Ava as she grows up," Harry sniffs, "I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to."

Louis moves closer to him. "Harry," he says, "Harry, please look at me." Harry squeezes his eyes shut, causing more tears to fall down his cheek, "Baby," Louis says which gets his attention. God, Louis hasn't called him that in over a year. He cups Harry's cheeks, thumbing away his tears, his own eyes welling up with them. 

"I'm sorry for hurting you," he says to Harry, "I never ever meant to hurt you." 

Harry sniffles. "I know." 

"Please tell me what this means. What do you want?"

Harry swallows. "I want you. I'm--- I'm still scared and Ava is in this too but I also don't her to be the reason why we're trying to make this work. It shouldn't feel forced." 

Louis nods, crying too. "Does that mean you want to try with us again?"

"Yeah," Harry says shakily, nodding, "I do---- I miss you so much," he sighs. 

Louis lets out a wet laugh. "I missed you too."

"Can I kiss you now?" 

Louis grins, meeting his lips softly. His tongue runs over Harry's lips and once their tongues meet, it feels like coming home. Harry shifts until he's straddling Louis' lap, Louis's face in his hands and Louis' hands on his thighs. They move in sync with each other just like they always have. 

Louis pulls away first. "I love you." 

Harry grins, biting his swollen lip. "I love you too," Harry admits. Louis' eyes crinkle when he smiles this time. "Lou, we still have a lot to sort out. I --- we should probably get help. Therapy?"

"Like couple's counselling?" Louis asks, hands warm on Harry's thighs. 

"Yeah, we're going to need it, I think. We have a lot to work through if we want to make this work." 

Louis nods. "Okay, yeah. We'll find someone to go through. Listen, we'll take this slow, okay? One step at a time." 

Harry exhales, smiling softly at Louis. Louis, who he's been madly in love with for so long. _His_ Louis.

"Yeah, I'd like that." 

Harry knows they have a lot to work through for sure. They need help to get to a place where they trust each other again and can communicate properly. But he has faith they can do it because Harry wants to try again. Louis is the love of his life, his soulmate, and that's never going to change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think? Leave some comments below if you'd like :) I always love reading them!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay! I've been super busy but here you go :) hope you enjoy it!

  
Therapy is not easy. Not that Harry expected it to be, but hashing out old feelings, bringing up old wounds, it's all a lot to handle at times. They find an amazing doctor though, Dr. Godfrey. She's older but she revealed to them that her and her husband had gone through something similar at one stage, which kind of gives Harry a little bit more faith in her.

Their first session was intense. Harry didn't expect to open up so easily at only the first session but he did— they both did.

This session that they're going to now is their tenth one. It feels like a lot but at the same time, it doesn't feel like enough. Harry wonders if that's a bad thing. They're getting there for sure, he just feels like they need a little bit more.

Dr. Godfrey said that it's normal to feel that. She said that some couples go to therapy for years, off and on, and that it's okay to want help for your relationship to work out.

"Louis, we have to go, babe," Harry says. He can't help but smile though, watching him throw Ava up and catching her, making her laugh. Her laugh is one of the best things Harry has ever heard. He doesn't think he'll ever not smile listening to her laugh.

Louis stops, nuzzling her stomach and walking up to Harry. "Babe, huh? Haven't heard the in a while."

Harry blushes. "Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay, love. I call you every petname in the book," Louis smiles, "do we have to leave her?"

Louis kisses her cheek. She's pushes him away, whining a little. She doesn't like his stubble very much. Harry beams at it though. He can't believe she's grown up so much. She's already six months old, Harry feels like he can't keep up anymore. 

His mum said that he should enjoy this time though. According to her, six months to one year is the best time for babies, because they start picking up things, communicating and understanding more. It's definitely already true for Ava. Harry can already see that she's understanding things better. Just the other day Harry called out her name and she actually turned her head to look at him. It was exciting to experience her responding to her name. She doesn't always do it because Harry has tried again but she did once and that's progress. 

"Okay, where's---"

"I'm here, I'm here," Anne says, hurrying down the stairs, "sorry, was helping Gemma with something over the phone." 

Louis hands her over to Anne and grabs the keys. "You driving?" 

Harry nods, taking the keys from him. They kiss Anne and Ava goodbye before going to the car and driving off to see Dr. Godfrey. The ride is silent, but not an uncomfortable one. Louis hums softly to the tune of what's playing on the radio and Harry smiles to himself about it. He hasn't done that in ages. 

Dr. Godfrey greets them with her usual friendly smile and gestures for them to sit opposite her in a loveseat. 

She starts off the session with normal small talk before delving deeper. 

"How's things at home? Are you making time for just the two of you like I asked?" 

"We are," Louis nods,"it helps having Harry's mum there to help us out with Ava." 

"Yeah, we've been on two date nights so far," Harry adds, smiling at Louis. 

"And how was it?" 

"It felt," Harry bit his lip, "like old times but also, like, newer?"

Louis nods. "Yeah, something about it feels different."

"Well, that's a good thing. Sometimes we don't necessarily want change but it's for the better." 

"Let's talks about intimacy," she continues, opening up a notebook of hers and looking down briefly, "the last time we spoke, you mentioned that you haven't done anything aside from kissing and hugging, yes?"

They both nod. 

"So, do you want to be intimate with each other again?" 

"Um," Louis clears his throat, "I---I would like to." 

"And Harry?" 

See, this isn't an easy question to answer for Harry. He's not sure why though because he knows he definitely wants to be intimate with Louis again. He wants them to go to the next level. 

"I do," Harry says eventually, "I do, I just... I don't know what's holding me back."

There have definitely been times that they start kissing, then making out and it gets very heated, they'd both get boners only for Harry to stop it and say that he isn't ready. 

"Do you trust Louis?" She asks. 

Harry blinks at her, the question hitting him harder than he expected it to. 

"I--- I mean... it's better than before."

She hums. Harry doesn't want to look at Louis. 

"And do you, Louis?" 

"I do," he says after a moment, "I think... these past few weeks have been really good for us and I do trust him." 

Harry swallows, looking down almost shamefully. 

"Well, Harry, we're going to have work on that. Why do you still feel like you can't trust Louis?" 

He lets out a shaky breath. Honesty; they promised each other that. 

"I just--- he still works a lot and I'm just so scared of being neglected again and Ava... I know it's stupid because he's a great dad to her and he is always there," he shrugs, "I don't know."

"Maybe you're scared that once you give yourself fully to Louis, he might take advantage of it?" 

Harry nods shortly. She's right. He's scared of putting his heart on the line to that extent. Again. And getting burned. Again. 

"I won't," Louis says firmly, there's a bit of hurt in his voice, "I've --- I've been there for you and Ava for the past few months now. How could you still say that?" 

"Louis," Harry says, feeling guilt bubble in his stomach, "I---"

"Okay, Louis," Dr. Godfrey intervenes, "Harry is just speaking his mind, yes? Let's listen to what he says."

Louis purses his lips, nodding. 

"I love you, I do," Harry says, letting out a breath, "I'm just scared, that's all. But it is better, I promise you it is."

"That's good. Trust takes time to develop between people, especially in a relationship and the circumstances you two in particular."

Louis nods. Harry's body sags in relief. 

"I want you to spend a weekend by yourself, both you alone somewhere, and I want you to play a game, be it a board game, or something online, but with each other."

Louis and Harry give her a quizzical look. 

She chuckles. "I know it's an odd request but I find it to be helpful. Those games, as trivial as they can be, help open you up a little, let yourself get relaxed and worked up all at the same time. You'll be surprised at what comes out during these things, especially if you're competitive."

Harry and Louis look at each other, smiling. "Yeah, we're pretty competitive." 

"Well, all the better then," she grins, "so, I think that's all we have time for today."

"Thank you," Harry tells her, then Louis. 

"Oh, and before you two leave, the three words for today." 

Harry turns to Louis, "His smile, his sense of humour and his bravery." 

Louis' cheeks turn pink, a smile brightening his face. 

"Um, for you," Louis starts, "your kindness, your heart and your quirkiness." 

Harry snorts. "Thanks, I think." 

"Good," Dr. Godfrey grins, "we'll pick it up next week, yes? I think we need to discuss your physical intimacy a little more."

They leave her office, feeling lighter but Harry is feeling slightly worried too. 

They don't discuss the revelations from the session until they're in bed later that night though. Louis turns to face Harry, matching his position with his hands folded underneath his head. 

"Hi," Harry says with a tired smile. 

"Hey, darling," Louis smiles back softly. He pulls out one of his hands and places it in the middle of them. Harry does the same, only he covers Louis' hand with his own. 

"Are you okay after today's session?" Harry asks, shifting a little closer. 

"Yeah," Louis bites the inside of his cheek, "I mean, it did sting a little that you don't trust me---"

"I'm sorry," Harry says sadly. 

"No, no, it's okay, baby. We're meant to be honest, yeah? Otherwise this won't work and besides, it just sort of reminded me that I fucked up big time--- which is not, like to make you feel guilty or anything. I think I needed that."

Harry nods. "I'm still sorry and I do mean what I said, Lou, it's so much better and seeing you with Ava, it's just... it's amazing." 

Louis smiles slowly, till it reaches his eyes and the skin crinkles. "I love you," he says quietly, leaning forward and pressing a sweet kiss to Harry's lips. 

"I love you too," Harry smiles, "you know, I think we should do that weekend away next week."

"Yeah? Why next week?"

Harry shrugs. "I think a weekend by ourselves sounds... appealing," he bites his lip, "we could do with one."

"Yeah, alright," Louis agrees, "where do you have in mind?" 

"How about that bed and breakfast in Camden?" He grins. 

Louis grins back mischievously. "God, yeah. Feels like it was ages ago. That was a good weekend, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, lots of food, cuddles, laughs..."

"Sex," Louis adds, wiggling his brows. 

Harry laughs, shaking his head. "That too."

"Man, we've come a long way since then, huh?" Louis says quietly. 

"Yeah, we have a baby," Harry says, in wonder, almost. He hadn't even realised. That version of them seemed so distant. 

"She's wonderful," Louis smiles fondly, "I don't know how I'm going to leave her for a whole weekend." 

"You've been away from her for longer," Harry rolls his eyes.

"Still, doesn't make it any easier." 

"You're already too clingy, you know? I thought it was supposed to be the other way around."

Louis pouts. "I just love her a lot, okay? And she's already six months old. I can't fucking believe it." 

"I know, she's responding more and more to her name, have you noticed?" 

Louis nods excitedly and they go back to talking about their daughter with huge grins on their faces until they fall asleep. 

━━━━━━━

They get the room they were in years earlier again, purely by coincidence, which they both find amusing. Harry feels like it's a sign. For what, he isn't exactly sure. It could be good or it could be bad. Bad, because it could be a sign that they're just heading down the same path as before, good, because it's like a new start, reminding them of what they had, how good it was. 

"Just like I remember it to be," Louis says, collapsing onto the bed, spreading out like a starfish. Harry nods in agreement, placing his bag down and crawling up to Louis on the bed. 

"So, what do we have planned then?" He asks, laying down next to Louis. 

"Thinking about the wine tasting we did the last time?" 

Harry nods, sitting up to grab the brochure from the nightstand. "There's not much else," he says, disappointed. 

"Well, there wasn't much the last time either. We mostly stayed in bed other than the wine tasting. Even the breakfast was in bed."

"It's a bed and breakfast, Lou," Harry deadpans. 

"Oh," he blinks, "right, blonde moment."

Harry snorts, shaking his head. "Well," he places the brochure aside, "we did bring a shit load of board games too." 

"That is true," Louis hums. "Hey, Harry," 

Harry looks at him. 

"C'mere for a sec."

"I'm already next you," Harry says, confused. 

"Like... closer," Louis says, sitting up next to Harry, moving closer himself. 

Harry furrows his brows. 

"Baby, can I kiss you, please?" 

Harry huffs out a laugh. "Oh, yes, you can," he closes the distance between them and kisses Louis. 

"You don't have to always ask, you know?" Harry mumbles against his lips, twisting his body around so that he's straddling Louis. 

Louis seems surprised at the action, resting his hands on Harry's hips. "Noted," he mutters. 

"Good, now let's make out a bit then we can get something to eat." 

They're exhausted after their dinner so they fall right asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. Harry grins to himself, feeling Louis rest his hand over Harry's waist and pull him closer until Harry's back hits Louis' chest. 

━━━━━━━

Having a peaceful sleep is something Harry is sure he'd forgotten the feeling of. Waking up well rested with Louis still cuddled up beside him puts him in a great mood already. He decides to wake Louis up with a short kiss to his lips. 

Louis opens his eyes slowly, a smile lighting up his face, all soft and sweet and sleepy. "Mornin'," he rasps, yawning, covering his mouth. 

"Morning," Harry greets back, "surprised you woke up by that."

"Having a baby turns you into a light sleeper. You should know this by now, love."

"I've always been a light sleeper," Harry protests. 

"You're right," Louis grins, "I love you." 

Harry turns hot, right to his ears. He's taken aback by how random these declarations of love are. He's forgotten about how much Louis used to do them. "I love you too," he mumbles back. 

"Love making you blush too," he kisses Harry's cheeks then leans over him to pick up the menu, "let's order some breakfast then, shall we?"

They laze around for the most part, after a slow, filling breakfast. Harry is sure he can take a nap right after they finish their meals. They shared with each other; french toast and an omelette. Harry remembers again how much Louis likes to steal off of his plate. 

Afterwards, they just decide to cuddle, feeling too comfortable and cosy to do much else. It's nice; they talk about random things, make each other laugh and they're not afraid to just get soaked up in one another. Something they haven't done in a very long time. 

"Do you wanna try one of those games, like Dr. Godfrey suggested?" Louis asks just as it's close to the afternoon time. 

Harry nods. "Scrabble?" He asks hopefully. 

Louis sighs, giving in. He knows how much Harry loves this game and he should know that Harry will always win. When he places the board and sets up the pieces, he says, "next we're playing Monoply." 

Harry pouts. He always loses at that one but he supposes that's fair enough. 

It's nice doing this with Louis because they haven't done it in a very long time. It feels much needed already. 

"Vibey is not a word," Harry frowns. 

"It is," Louis insists. 

Harry rolls his eyes. "Google it and see for yourself then."

Louis huffs, grabbing his phone and typing away on the screen. "Ha," he shoves the screen in front of Harry's face. 

Harry's frown deepens, pushing it away. "Well, it shouldn't be a valid scrabble word," he grumbles. 

"Man, you do not like to be wrong, huh?" 

"Oh, and you do?" Harry raises a brow at him. 

"Well, no, but that's not the point."

Harry rolls his eyes. "It's only the point when I'm wrong," he mutters.

He didn't say it with much heat behind it, despite being annoyed, but it seems like Louis took it to heart.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, straightening up, eyebrows furrowed.

Harry blinks, taken aback by the tone of his voice. "What?"

"Shit only matters when you're wrong? That's when I, what, make a big deal out of things?"

"Louis," Harry starts, shaking his head, "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then why did you say it like that?"

Harry frowns. "I was just a little grumpy about not being right but it's silly, Louis, I didn't mean anything more by what I said."

Louis scoffs, shaking his head.

Harry sighs. "Lou," Harry pulls his arm, "I didn't mean anything but it, I promise."

Louis sighs too, looking at Harry. "Sorry," he mumbles, "I'm just a little on edge, I guess."

"Why?"

"Because you don't trust me," Louis says, "and this trip is supposed to help us somehow but I don't fucking see how playing a board game can help us at all." 

"Louis, I'm sorry I---" he cuts himself off, "me not trusting you completely is really bothering you, huh?"

Louis turns towards him, pushing away their game and knocking off their pieces. He ignores Harry's whine and pulls him close.

"It is bothering me, more than I realised... evidently," Louis intertwines their fingers.

Harry uses his free hand to touch the side of Louis' face. "I'm sorry, Louis. I told you, it's better though."

"I know and I--- I thought I understood but I guess I don't, really."

"I don't understand it either, Lou. It's just... how I feel but I'm trying," Harry says, swallowing nervously.

"I know. I am too," Louis says quietly, "I love you, Harry. I want you to be okay with me. I want you to feel safe with me. I hate that I don't give you that comfort that you give me."

Harry gapes at him. "Louis, hey," he cups his face, "if I didn't feel safe, or comfortable with you, I wouldn't have wanted to try again. I wouldn't be here right now and I wouldn't love you."

Louis scans his face dubiously. "Really?"

"Really," Harry smiles, pushing their foreheads together, "I love you so much, Lou."

"I love you too," Louis breathes out, kissing him. Hard.

"Do you trust me?" Harry asks him even though he knows the answer.

"More than anything."

Harry smiles at him. "Then you need to trust that I'll get there, okay? I know I will because I love you. I don't want to fuck this up. I just want to do it right this time. As right as we can, I mean."

"Okay," Louis nods, "we'll get there, we will."

Harry kisses him again.

"Hey," Louis pulls away, "it kind of worked."

Harry blinks, confused at first, before laughing. "She's a genius."

━━━━━━━

They don't rush into sleeping with each other. In fact, it doesn't happen until a few months later.

Ava is nine and a half months old now and she recently started crawling, which means she's creating havoc everywhere in the house.

She picks up everything she finds and she puts it right into her mouth. Literally everything.

"Ava, love, no," Louis picks her up from the floor, pulling her away, "that's a bug."

She whines in protest, trying to wiggle out of his hold. Harry flicks the bug out of the house from the sliding door and shuts it closed. It's a weird looking bug. Harry is glad she didn't put that into her mouth.

"Come on, Tiny," Louis carries her away, "let's get you something to eat. How about some banana? Banana, yes?"

By the time Harry places a bowl of cut up bananas in front of her, she's calmed down, occupied by the fruit instead.

Louis wraps his arms around Harry's waist. "She's a tyrant now, isn't she?"

Harry chuckles. "She's a Tomlinson. What did you expect?"

"I'm _not_ a tyrant."

"You are," Harry turns around in his arms, wrapping his own around Louis' neck and kissing him, "but it's fine I love you for it."

"I love you too," Louis kisses him back.

Once Ava goes down to sleep, Louis and Harry get caught up in a make out session on their bed.

Louis' hands roam down to thighs, his bum and his chest. They reach the waistband of his trousers, rubbing his cock through the material.

Harry moans, turning his head so that Louis' mouth meets his neck.

"Louis," he calls out.

"What?" Louis pants above him.

"I think I'm ready," he says.

"Ready?" Louis asks, searching his face, "are you sure?"

Harry nods. They haven't gone any further than blowjobs and handjobs but Harry finds himself craving more especially recently. He knows why now and he's more than ready.

"Fuck. Okay," Louis scrambles off the bed to get the lube and condom.

"Make sure you put the condom on right," Harry warns him as they both undress.

Louis rolls his eyes. "As if I haven't done this dozens of times before."

"I just don't want to risk any more pregnancies," Harry swallows, "not now," he adds.

He assumes that they'll have another baby but that's way into the future. He doesn't want to rush into anything again. They have all the time in the world.

"Not now," Louis repeats with a grin on his face, hovering over Harry again.

"Oh boy," Harry huffs,"I forgot how much baby talk turns you on."

"Me?" Louis laughs, "have you forgotten about you?"

Harry blushes. "Shut up and get inside me already," he grabs Louis' face and kisses him again.

Their cocks rub together, causing them both to moan. Louis ruts forward, creating some friction.

"Come on, Louis. Don't tease."

Louis smirks, wetting his fingers with lube and teasing Harry's entrance. It's been over a year since he's done this. He's a little nervous, to say the least.

"Relax, baby," Louis kisses down his face and sucks his neck softly.

Harry mewls, relaxing as Louis pushes his finger in slowly. Harry scrunches up his face. It's like his first time all over again. Except this time it's with Louis. His Louis.

By the time Louis works his way to three fingers, Harry is working up a sweat, eyebrows furrowed, concentrating on the feeling of Louis' fingers moving inside of him.

"I'm ready," Harry breathes out, "get in me."

"You sure?" Louis asks. Harry grins, nodding. Louis leans back, ripping off the foil from the condom packet and pulling it onto his cock, wanking himself.

"Louis," Harry whines, opening up his legs, "come on."

Louis leans over him again, guiding his cock to his entrance and pushing in slowly. Harry sighs in relief once he bottoms out. He feels full, sated. Hes breathing heavily, so is Louis. Louis already looks like a mess.

"Move," Harry whispers.

That's all Louis needs to start moving, pulling out slowly and pushing back into him, knocking a breath out of Harry.

Fuck. Harry forgot how good this feels.

Louis moves slowly at first, kissing Harry messily as he does so. He grips onto Harry's thigh tightly and speeds up his thrusts.

Harry throws his head back, pulling the sheet into his fists. "Oh, Louis. Just like that."

Louis' face is twisted, eyebrows knitted together as he focuses on his thrusts, beads of sweat gathering over his forehead.

Harry moves his matted hair out of forehead, staring at him. He's so beautiful. Harry feels like the luckiest person alive to have him like this.

Louis' slows down a little, kissing Harry's palm sweetly and smiling down at him. "I love you," he leans down, kissing Harry softly.

"I love you," Harry mumbles into his mouth, pulling him closer.

Their chests press together as they move in sync, slow and then fast, soaking up each other and moaning together. Their bodies connect and so do their souls. Harry doesnt care if it sounds cheesy or corny, he feels it in his bones.

Harry scratches down his back, when Louis hits his prostate dead on. "Fuck, Louis," he moans, body shaking when Louis does it again.

Louis is still gripping his thigh tightly, his nails digging into the skin. "You're so bloody beautiful you know that?"

Harry smiles as best as he can through a moan.

"Can't believe I went without this for so long," Louis kisses his cheek. "I wish I could have been here when you were pregnant."

Harry moans louder.

"You looked gorgeous," Louis carries on, "with our baby inside of you, _god_."

Harry clenches around him. "Louis," is all Harry finds himself saying.

"You feel so good, darling," Louis pushes himself closer, breathing getting quicker.

Harry opens in his mouth in a silent moan, clenching around Louis tightly as he comes, spurting over his stomach.

Louis grunts and comes into the condom, collapsing onto Harry, face turned into his neck.

"Amazing," Louis breathes out, "you're amazing."

Harry smiles tiredly, kissing Louis' sweaty forehead.

"Thank you," Harry says.

"For?"

"Loving me."

Louis leans up again, kissing Harry's forehead and pulling out slowly. "Thank you," he says with a small groan, laying down next to Harry.

"For what?" Harry turns to him.

"Being you," Louis kisses him again, "I love you."

"I love you too," Harry hums happily, "can we talk about how turned you get by baby talk?"

Louis grimaces, his cheeks turning pink. "You do too, in case you haven't noticed."

Harry giggles. "I like it."

"I meant what I said. I wish I was there more when you were pregnant with Ava. Not just for... like... sex."

"I would hope not," Harry snorts, "but we're here now, Lou and I wouldn't change that for anything."

"Me neither," Louis pecks his lips, "okay can we get some sleep now? I'm exhausted."

Harry grins fondly. "Yeah. Big spoon me?"

Louis matches his grin. "Turn around."

Harry turns to his side, feeling Louis' hand rest over his stomach and pull him closer, till Harry's back meets his chest.

Harry knows, without a doubt, that this is where he belongs. There's no place he'd rather be, other than here, with the love of his life by his side.

━━━━━━━

After Ava's first birthday, Louis starts to get baby fever. Really bad baby fever. He starts off by complaining about how quickly Ava is growing up and then gets emotional about how she calls him "dada" already.

Harry's not mad that she's calling Louis that and not himself. He's not. Well, he is until she says it to Harry too. That too is on Louis' birthday out of all things.

He starts hinting at things too, Harry notices. They'll be shopping and he'll find some cute socks or shoes that are a few sizes too small for Ava, remarking, "these are cute, too small for Tiny though. Maybe for the next one."

Then there's a few other things, like asking Harry if they should turn the other guest bedroom that Anne was in, into another nursery or leave it open to be one.

Telling Harry that the best time to concieve is when he has enough protein in his system. Harry thinks that one is made up.

He finally reveals how he feels on Harry's birthday. They're alone at home, both cuddled up on the couch after a nice dinner out, Ava upstairs fast asleep.

Louis starts to place tiny kisses from Harry's cheek to his neck. "Hey, love?"

"Yeah?" Harry hums, focusing on the feeling of Louis' lips on his skin. 

"I was thinking," he says, pulling away and resting a hand on top of Harry's thigh, eyes shining, "do you maybe want to try for another baby?"

Harry inhales sharply. He bites his lip. It's not that he doesn't want another baby. Of course he wants to expand his family.

"I don't think now would be the best time," Harry says, still biting his lip nervously.

Louis frowns. "Why?"

It's not harsh or judgemental.

"Lou, we're just getting back onto our feet, in terms of us, you know? I just want to wait a little longer before getting pregnant again. And the last one--- god, Ava is amazing and I'm so glad we have her--- but it was a lot, Lou and I don't want something like that to happen again."

Louis' features fill with understanding. He nods, squeezing Harrys thigh. "I get it. Sorry, if I pushed you."

"You didn't, babe," Harry rests his hand on top of Louis'.

"You're opened to having another baby though, right?"

Harry nods. "Like I said, just not right now."

"Okay," Louis smiles, "maybe it's good that we wait, actually because I've been meaning to ask you something."

Harry turns to face him a little better. "What?"

"Hold on," Louis shifts himself away from Harry then off the sofa, hurrying up the stairs.

He comes back down panting, pulling out something from behind his back. "I was going to wait until Valentine's day, be all romantic and stuff. But I cant wait any longer."

Harry still stares, confused. Then Louis drops down onto one knee and pulls open a velvet box with a silver ring cushioned inside.

Harry gasps. "Louis, oh my god."

"I know, it's a bit sudden but I just didn't want to wait any longer to do this. Harry, I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you and Ava. I want nothing more than to be given the privilege to love you both. Will you marry me?"

Harry chokes out a "yes" in tears. His hands are shaky as Louis slides the ring onto his finger. They kiss, Harry holding onto Louis tightly.

"God we went from talking about having another baby to being engaged," Harry laughs wetly.

Louis grins. "We do things a little haywire, in case you haven't already noticed."

Harry shakes his head. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Since Ava's birthday," he admits, "I wanted to do it on mine but then she went and called you 'dada' too and ruined the whole mood so," he shrugs 

"Yes, blame it on our fourteen month old daughter," Harry rolls his eyes, "seriously though, I thought I'd get to propose this time."

Louis chuckles. "Sorry, love. Maybe next time."

"Don't even say that," Harry smacks his arm playfully, "there'll be no next time, okay?"

"Okay," Louis agrees, his playfulness gone, "I really do love you, you know? So fucking much."

Harry's eyes well up with tears again. "I love you too, babe," he says quietly, kissing him softly, "best birthday ever."

"It's crazy to think that two years ago, we couldn't even stand to be in the same room with each other."

Harry's mood dulls a bit. "I know but look at us now; we're good, aren't we?"

"I really fucking hope so," Louis snorts, "I'm really proud of us."

"Me too," Harry agrees easily, "and thank you for hearing me out on the whole baby thing."

They've really come a long way. Harry is happy that they can communicate better than they used to. Their therapy sessions with Dr. Godfrey help a lot. They don't see her as much as they used to initially but he knows it's still necessary.

"Of course, love. I hope you know that I'm going to be doing every and anything you need to make the next pregnancy better for you. I'll be there every step of the way, okay?"

Harry's heart warms. He nods. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you," he seals it with a kiss, "now how about some birthday and I-just-got-engaged sex?"

Harry giggles. "Only if we do it on rose petals of course."

"Then rose petals there'll be," Louis holds out his hand, "come on, fiancé."

Harry beams at that. "After you, fiancé."

━━━━━━━

"Already?" Gemma asks, eyes wide, "didn't you, like, just get back together?"

"No," Louis and Harry say simultaneously then give each other a smile.

"It's gonna be a year in, like, April? I think."

She eyes them cautiously. "Are you sure you want to get married again so soon?"

Harry bites his lip. He's scared of rushing into things again but he feels right about this. It's him and Louis for God's sake.

"We don't have to get married right away," Louis says, "it just felt right to do."

"Well, I am happy for you," she smiles, even if it is a little hesitant, adjusting little Connor in her arms.

Harry reaches for him excitedly, holding him close. He's so tiny and cute. Louis coos over him too.

"What does mum think about all of this?" She asks.

"She said, and I quote, 'it's about fucking time'."

Gemma laughs. "Well, as long as you guys know what you're doing."

Louis' phone rings just as Harry starts to reply. He excuses himself to answer the call out on the balcony.

"Harry," Gemma says as soon as Louis is out on the balcony.

"Yeah?"

"You're sure about this?"

Harry frowns but he nods. "We love each other. I know it's a little messy and stuff but it's just... it feels right."

He can't find any other words to explain it.

"I just don't want you to get hurt again," she says with a sad look.

"Gem, we're so much better, really. We're bound to hurt each other but as long as we work through our problems and communicate with each other, we'll be okay."

"Your therapist tell you to say that?" Gemma asks, eyebrow raised.

"Taught us that," Harry amends, "and anyways, you're one to talk. You married your baby daddy after only five months of knowing him."

"Because I was pregnant and it felt like the right thing to do," Gemma finishes, pursing her lips, "fine, okay, I see what you mean."

"We aren't going to get married next week nor are we going to start planning it next week, we're taking it slow," Harry says, patting Connor's back to lull him to sleep, "though he does want another baby."

Gemma's eyes widen. "Tell me you said no."

"Not yet," Harry amends again, "I'm not ready."

"Yeah, I mean Ava is barely one," she says as if Harry needs reminding.

"I know," Harry says, a little irritated, "I do want to expand our family with him but Ava... it was a lot and I'm really scared that if the whole eclampsia thing happens again, the next baby may not... you know... make it."

He swallows and looks away. He told Louis about that as well and Louis was more than understanding about it. Dr. Godfrey said that his feelings are valid and that they'll just have to work through it.

Harry can't stand the thought of losing a baby. The thought alone makes him want to cry.

"I understand. I hope Louis does too. You told him, yeah?"

"I did. He gets it so the whole second baby is on a hold for some time, until we get our shit together properly, you know?"

"I thought you do. And that was why Louis proposed."

"I mean we do but not enough to bring another baby into it. I mean, I'd like us to at least be married when I have another baby too."

"Understandable."

"How's your hubby doing?" Harry asks with a smirk.

Gemma goes on about her husband's new job and how happy they are even after Louis comes in, watching Harry play with baby Connor fondly. Harry passes him to Louis eventually and finds himself getting the same look that Louis did. Seeing Louis with any baby or child makes him feel some sort of way.

Harry has to have some self-control.

━━━━━━━

They don't get married until a year later. They have a June wedding, small but it's everything Harry ever needs. Ava is their flower girl, dressed in a purple and silver dress and her hair in two little ponytails. They tear up seeing her.

When they kiss as spouses, she yells out a 'yay!' that makes all of them burst out laughing.

They spend their honeymoon in Fiji. A whole two weeks with no Ava, no work, no worries. Just sex, loved up, cosiness and warmth that Harry soaks up along with a killer tan. Though Louis' is better. He's always managed to get a better tan than Harry. He envies it but he can't complain because he looks hot as fuck. Harry just wants to eat him up.

After their sex haze, returning home is a bit of a mood duller but seeing Ava is a big plus. Harry realises how clingy he's gotten to his daughter. Nowhere near as clingy as Louis is with her but almost as bad.

It's only a month after their honeymoon, as Harry's tan fades with the cold wind, that he gets up in the early hours of the morning to throw up into the toilet.

Immediately, he knows what it is. Louis comes in to hold his hair out of his face. Something he wasn't there for before, Harry realises.

When Harry rinses his mouth and flushes the toilet, he meets Louis' eyes. Louis gives him a wide smile, probably thinking the same thing Harry is.

"Do you think----"

"Maybe," Harry cuts him off.

"And are you okay with it?" Louis asks, holding Harry's waist and pulling him close.

"A little sooner than I expected," Harry admits.

He wanted to wait at least another year before they started trying again.

"I would blame Fiji," Louis mutters, "seriously though, are you okay with this? I know you wanted to wait a little longer."

Harry nods, even though he feels miserable and is not looking forward to weeks more of this.

"Good. I'm going to be there for you, okay? Every step of the way," Louis moves a piece of hair behind his ear. " I love you more than anything in the world, Harry Styles."

"Tomlinson," Harry corrects him with a smile.

Louis smiles back, kissing him softly. "Tomlinson," he says, "I love you and I can't wait to have more babies with you."

"One at a time, Tommo. Slow down."

"Baby, there are twins in the family, you know?"

Harry groans, dropping his head onto Louis' shoulder.

"Love you," Louis says through his giggles.

Harry can't help but smile. "Love you too," he mumbles.

He's already picturing how to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery for twins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! :)


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